What He Does To Me
by ksjf2012
Summary: James gets sent to a private, all boys school. He meets Logan Mitchell and falls...hard. And then he meets Kendall Knight. Logan's boyfriend. Drama? Yes! Romance? Yes! Humor...i try. Read and Review!
1. Chapter 1

**Entry 1:**

_I wanted to stop thinking about him, but he was always on my mind. I shouldn't be thinking about him. He has a boyfriend, and is way out of my league. But damn it…he is so cute! I just wanted to hodl him for the rest of our days! Logan Mitchell came into my life, the first day I came to the private school, my parents moved me out to. Logan Mitchell changed my life, and he made me actually want to wake up every morning. I'm writing about it because…I don't know why really. I like thinking about the days I've had with him. And I am going to write in this entire black leather journal, Logan got me. It is going to be full, front to back, top to bottom of all the memories we've spent together._

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DAY 1

_Boring…boring…_everything in my iPod was outdated and old and it made me mad. I had to sit through lunch, by myself mind you, listening to boring music. _Awesome. _I settled for the classic: Led Zeppelin. If no one was going to sit next to me, and try to make the new kid feel comfortable, I was going to watch them all walk around, and play random songs written by a bunch of stoned hippies. It was going to be my soundtrack and I was going to enjoy myself weather…

"Hey!" I smashed right into someone and sent them flying right onto their butt. I yanked my headphones out of my ears and saw on the ground a kid my age, on his back holding the back of his head.

"Oh shit…I am so sorry!" I fell to my knees and reached out for him. He took both my hands and pulled himself up, into a sitting position. I noticed the short brown hair, big bright brown eyes and the perfect pouty smile. He was cute, but his ass was on the ground and it was my fault. I just ruined any chance of being anyone's friend. This kid would go around and tell everyone I was a big dick who didn't look where he was going.

"Are you new here?" I blushed and quickly reached down grabbing his bag, and the books that fell out.

"Yeah. I moved here last week. I started today."

"That explains it." I glanced up and he chuckled. He pushed himself completely up and brushed off the back of his pants.

"What explains what?" I stood up giving him his bag. His school uniform was wrinkled and a little dirty and I felt worse.

"Well most guys know that during lunch, everyone hangs out in the quad. No one is every really hanging around inside the science building." I nodded and watched him shove some books into his backpack. With his head down I could see a faint hickey on his neck. It only told me he was taken and I definitely had no chance.

"Logan?" The kid raised his head and looked around me. I turned out of curiosity and saw this blonde kid walking towards me. He looked confused and sort of mad so I turned back to the short kid. "What happened?" The blond kid walked right up to him and brushed dirt off his clothes. Logan, I was guessing was the smaller kid, chuckled and shook his head slipping his bag on his shoulder.

"Nothing. I wasn't watching where I was going and neither was…I'm sorry I didn't get your name?" He gave me a friendly smile and I opened my mouth to answer but was rudely interrupted.

"James Diamond. The new kid, who just moved here from big Old New York City because his rich ass parents got a divorce so they shipped off here." I felt my cheeks get hot as I stared at the blond, rude, kid. I closed my mouth and he chuckled. "Come one…lets go get lunch." He wrapped his arm around the short kids neck and pulled him away from me. I watched Logan turn and look over the tall guys shoulder and mouth sorry. I gave a friendly smile and waved at him. He smiled back and turned to the front. I then watched the tall asshole kiss softly, and sweetly into his hair. Logan quickly wrapped around the guys waist and I heard him chuckle at something.

DAY 2

"James Diamond?" I glanced up from my paper, and saw the teacher, motioning me to come forward. I sighed and pushed my black glasses up on my nose standing up. I felt a bunch of eyes on me, but only cared about one particular pair. Logan was sitting two rows across from me, with his stupid boyfriend, the captain of the hockey team, Kendall Knight, behind him. I only looked at him in the corner of my eye and saw him chewing on the end of his pen while Kendall whispered something in his ear. I looked up at Mr. Jones and he gave me a small smile. "I have the notes you'll need for the test Friday. Take your time with the paper. Have in it by Monday." I nodded and took the notes form him. He sat back down and I turned to walk back to my desk. When I sat down everyone else had gone back to their work. Except one. Well two. Logan was still staring at me, and it was kind of starting to piss me off. I glanced over at him and raised my eyebrows. He only smiled small and looked back down at his desk. The bell rang overhead and quickly, everyone jumped up, and ran out of the room. I sighed and slowly put my books, and loose paper into my black bag. As I stood up I heard two people talking, as they walked out. I looked up to see Logan, being walked out by Kendall, and my curiosity and lust, took over me. I wanted to follow them, to learn more about Logan, to see if he was as perfect close up, as he was far away.

"You lied about it Kendall." I stayed a little behind and watched Kendall grab Logan's hand, and slightly swing it.

"No I didn't. You didn't ask if I was with them or not. You just asked if I was home. I told you no." Logan shoved him away and dropped his hand. "Please don't be like that. I'm not in the mood. I have practice." Logan turned fast to face Kendall and I quickly ducked behind a locker so I wasn't caught.

"Them go to practice Kendall."

"Why are you so upset?"

"I'm not…just…just go to practice. I'm fine." I leaned out a little to see Logan reach up and kiss his cheek. "Be careful." Kendall chuckled and pulled him in hugging him tight. Logan sighed and I could have sworn I saw him look at me. I ducked back behind the locker and hit my head against the metal. I cursed at myself in my head and heard footsteps. "Call me when you get home, okay?"

"Of course. I love you."

"Love you too." I heard the door at the end of the hall close and sighed out. I had to leave, so it didn't look to suspicious. If I walked the opposite way of Logan, he'd notice and I'd get busted. If I walked towards him, he'd ask me why I was snooping, and I'd get busted. I didn't really see anyway out of this. I pushed off the locker and turned to the right, towards Logan and stopped dead in my tacks. Logan was standing two feet away arms crossed over his chest. "Are you stalking me now?" I blushed and opened my mouth to make up some lame excuse but he giggled. "Why don't you talk to me like a normal person? Maybe we could hang out, and you wouldn't feel the need to follow me around."

"You have been the one staring at me, like…all day for the past two days." He laughed again and pulled out a set of keys.

"How about I make it up to you? I'll get you a coffee." I eyed him cautiously until he laughed one last time, and sighed. "You can say no. I've just seen you…by yourself."

"So this is a pity thing?" He looked up at me and smiled looking down playing with his key.

"It's okay. We can do it another time. I'll see you around James Diamond." He backed away giving a small wave and quickly turned heading for the exit. I clenched my fists and sighed out hard. He was feet away from the door when I groaned and opened my mouth.

"I'd love to get a coffee with you." He stopped, hand on the door and turned, smile as big as Texas. He pushed the door open with his butt and nodded. I walked over to him and let him walk me out. When we got out in the parking lot, he walked down a row and stopped right in the middle. He got on the drivers side of a small black sports car and I cautiously got on the drivers side. I froze by the door as he unlocked it and opened his door. He tossed his bag in the back and laughed over, at me. "Are you going to get in?"

"Well…I'm afraid I'll scratch it, or something. And I don't think I'll fit." He laughed again and quickly got in, slamming the door behind him. I pulled the door open and sighed, sitting down. My legs did come up to my chest, of course and I set my bag at my feet looking around. His car was squeaky clean, with barely anything in it. There was a water bottle in the cup holder, half full, In the little middle spot there was a white Chap stick, a few dollar bills, come change and a small picture. It was of Logan, with Kendall. I sat back and glanced over at him as he pulled on his seatbelt and turned on the car. "I can't believe this is your car."

"Why? What's your car?" I pointed across the empty spot in front of us, at the black truck, my uncle bought me when I got out here. "That's pretty nice." He raised an eyebrow and slowly backed out of the spot.

"Yeah but It's not a BMW." He smiled and when he straightened out, he stepped on the gas and screeched his tires. I quickly pulled my seatbelt on, and even though I didn't really know him that well, I could tell he was upset. "You alright?" He sat back and stopped at the exit waiting for the traffic. He didn't look at me or even say anything for a minute. I turned away from him and felt extremely awkward.

"Have you even been so comfortable, felt so safe that it scared you?" I glanced back at him as he pulled out on the street.

"Well being comfortable and safe is easier, in my mind, but the moment I step out of the comfort zone, is when I get scared. So no…I'm sorry I haven't." He chuckled and shook his head.

"I am so used to my routine. I'm so used to the people in my life. The ones my parents think I should associate with, Kendall's friends. I mean…I wake up at 5:45 every day, get ready for school, get to school, go through school and then…come home so I could go to sleep and wake up to do it all over again. And I get so mad everyday I think of how boring my life is, so I find the most ridiculous things to start a fight over and it just makes things worse…what the hell is wrong with me?" I wasn't sure if it was all directed towards me, because he didn't look at me, or even acknowledge me. So I took a chance and tried to help him.

"You're a senior in high school Logan. I can hardly call your life boring." He turned to me, stopped at a red light and I swallowed hard. "Most people would kill to have it this easy. And…no one is forcing you to hang out with those certain people, or do those certain things. You have full control over your destiny, and your life and the longer you keep letting people control it for you, the unhappier you will be." He continued to stare at me and I was wishing I had a time machine. I shouldn't have opened my mouth because I just definitely ruined any chance of having at least one friend.

"You're right." He turned away and stepped on the gas going through the green light. "And I'm sorry…I just unloaded all that shit on you." I chuckled and rubbed the back of my neck.

"Don't even worry. You're the first person to even want to hang out with me."

"Why is that? I mean…you're nice, definitely attractive…" I felt my cheeks get hot and he shrugged his shoulders. "Most guys should be flocking to you." I scrunched my eyebrows together and cocked my head to the side.

"Are all the guys at that school gay?" He chuckled and turned into a shopping center. I saw a Starbucks and he pulled into a parking spot right in front of it.

"Most, but not all. And don't assume the ones who you think are, are, because you will get hit if your wrong." He quickly got out and I followed trying to keep up with him. He was halfway to the doors when I caught up. "Ya know for a tall guy like yourself, you don't walk very fast, and very far." I glared at him and he pulled the door open for me. I walked in and was instantly hit with the scent of coffee and I loved it. "What do you drink?"

"Just black coffee." He gave me a weird look but shrugged his shoulders.

"Find us a table will ya?" I nodded and we went separate ways and I found a small table with two chairs, pushed into a quiet corner. I sat in the very corner and sighed leaning back. It hadn't been more than twenty minutes and I was already starting to fall for Logan Mitchell.

When he got back to the table, two medium sized cups in hand he sat down fast and yawned. I smiled taking my cup and took a quick sip. "I have never known anyone who likes black coffee." I chuckled and leaned forward. I could faintly smell his cologne and let it invade my nose.

"It's not like I like drinking blood."

"You might as well be. There is no flavor there!" He pointed to the cup and I shook my head. He laughed and I felt my heart flutter. "SO tell me something James Diamond?" I raised my eyebrows and sipped some more of my coffee. "Why did you move out here? I mean…New York is pretty incredible. How could you want to leave?" I set my cup down and moved it around a little before looking around the coffee shop.

"Didn't you listen to your boyfriend?" I looked to him and he sighed sipping his own cup.

"I'm sorry he was a dick." He set his cup down and we stared at each other. "Is that really what happened?" His voice was soft and I fell back nodding. "I'm so…so sorry. Especially now that Kendall…God he is such a dickhead."

"Then why are you with him?" He looked up at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Excuse me?"

"Well…you were just complaining about how people control you, including him, and now you're calling him a dickhead. Why are you with him?"

"Who the hell do you think you are talking to me like that?" We glared at each other and with each passing second, he seemed to be thinking more about my words. "I…you might not understand this but I love him, and he loves me." I raised my cup and drank the rest of my coffee. When I brought it back down, I stood up.

"Well then I'm happy for you." I walked to the trash and tossed my empty cup inside. I made it all the way outside before I heard him following me.

"James Diamond!" I got right next to his car and opened the door, reaching in, grabbing my bag. I pulled it out and slammed the door behind me. When I turned eh was right in front of me. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Me?! You're the one who doesn't know how to take control of his own life, and let other people walk all over you!"

"How can you even say that? You don't even know me."

"You're right, and I am glad, and so freaking happy because you are way to messed up Logan!" I pushed past him and walked quickly to the crosswalk. I didn't really know how to get back to the school but walking, getting lost, would be better than sitting another second with Logan Mitchell.

**SO…THIS IS A JOGEN. I'V ENEVER DONE ONE BEFORE AND I AM REALLY EXCITED ABOUT IT, SO LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK! ALSO…IF YOU DON'T LIKE SEEING A DOUCHBAG KENDALL…DON'T READ. HE'S GOING TO GET REALLY MEAN IN THIS ONE. SORRY. ****…also I've never done a journal type thing. Is it stupid and worn out, or do you like? Let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Entry 2**

_As I look back at the things we did, the things we said, I can't help but feel a little bit of pain. Why I couldn't see the signs, or learn to shut my mouth at times, I can't understand. But I stand by everything. From the first day, to the last, he was reaching, and searching for me. Or…anyone really. I was dumb enough to reach back, and help him. That's just the person I am. I see someone in trouble I want to help. It's a shame really…_

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I tried not to think about Logan as I finally made it home, but I was so mad. He was so…blind! Why would he be with a guy like that? And more importantly why wasn't he begging me to be with him, like I wanted to do to him so bad? Maybe that's why I got so upset. I just wanted to be with him, and knowing he had a boyfriend, who he seemed to really care about, pissed me off even more. My aunt and uncle said nothing about my poor attitude, just that if I wanted to talk, they were there. My little cousins wanted me to play out in the backyard with them, and I did for a while, and it helped get my mind busy. But when we went in for dinner, I helped clean up after, I went up to my room, and was stuck. In my own thoughts. Again they raced back to Logan. And it didn't help that the only homework I had, was for my history class which was the only class I had with Logan. Perfect. I had to write a paper on…something. Not really sure at this point. I had to re-read every line at least three times, just to make sure I understood it. But I kept getting lost and side tracked.

"Two days at that school…no friends, and the one guy I want, hates me…good going James…" I put my head in my hands and sighed out. I really hated my parent's right about now. I could have stayed in New York. With my own friends, and the one guy I knew was a sure thing. He would have jumped off a bridge for me, and I ended right at the terminal before getting on the plane to Minnesota. He looked devastated and tried begging me, and promised me he would make it all work, but I just couldn't see myself in a long distant relationship. Maybe because I thought I would have every guy, gay and straight, chasing after me here. Apparently I don't know what's best for me and thinking about now, Justin was what was best for me. I looked up, at my messy desk and saw the white screen of my blank document, the little mouse blinking. There was no way I could write this paper now, and honestly all I wanted to do was sleep. Maybe it would help. Clear my mind, and think of a way to apologize to Logan. Damn it…I almost forgot about how pissed Logan was, and come tomorrow I would have to deal with a shit storm form Mr. Fucking Wonderful, Kendall Knight. I was bigger than him, and could probably take him, but he seemed like the type to get a few of his buddies for help. Just like a real man would do. I flopped onto my bed and groaned kicking off my shoes and closing my eyes.

DAY 3

I parked, far in the back of the senior parking lot. I saw a bunch of guys running around, tossing a football, laughing and talking. I saw a few girls from the all-girls school further up the hill, with their tiny skirts, and tight tops, begging for attention. I rolled my eyes and got out, slamming my door, already in a bad mood. I woke up, took a shower and took the twenty my uncle gave me for lunch and sped off. I wasn't mad about any of that. It was the thought of finally confronting Logan and possibly his dumb boyfriend. And as I walked down the aisle passing guys who were yelling and telling dirty jokes I felt my stomach do a little turn. Logan was just getting out of his little BMW, zipping up his sweater while trying to put his keys in his bag. He didn't see me, and turned to walk up to the school. I sighed and followed behind him, not realizing he was going right into the Art building, where my locker was. I stayed back a bit until he walked in, letting the door slam behind him. I walked up the rest of the way, and went inside myself. It was warm and I was grateful for the heaters. As I started walking down the very empty hall I heard soft talking and then a guitar. I paused right by my locker and tried desperately to hear if it was Logan talking but couldn't and thought that was for the best. I opened my locker and exchanged some books, grabbed a few extra pens and shut the locker softly. I heard the guitar louder now and walked down the hall, with one destination in my mind. The cafeteria. I hadn't had breakfast and I heard the food was actually good for school food. I shoved both hands in my pockets and made it to the door when I finally heard the talking, coming in clear.

"…he's a nice guy Kendall…and cute."

"Only because he wants to get in your pants and you think every guy with a hot body and good hair is cute."

"That explains us then, right?" I froze and saw the music classroom door half way opened. "Don't be a jerk…that tickles…" I heard Logan giggle, and then the guitar stopped. I slowly walked to the door and peered in. Regretted it immediately.

Kendall was sitting on a black plastic chair, a light brown acoustic guitar in his lap. In front of him on a long white table, swinging his legs was Logan. He had one hand on Kendall's neck, and I could see him running his fingertips up and down the back of his neck. When Logan leaned down and Kendall pushed up into his kiss, I turned and walked out quickly.

Okay…so Kendall could play guitar. He actually did treat Logan right and he was kind of attractive. Okay…really attractive. He was like a Greek Fucking God. But he still had a horrible personality and I hated Logan from being attracted to that. I pushed into the cafeteria my thoughts running wild and glanced around, thankful there wasn't a lot of people in here. In fact there was only one kid, sitting in the far left corner, a little box of milk in front of him. I sighed and walked to the empty line and smiled at the lady, who looked me over once before asking me what i wanted. I got a blueberry muffin, freshly made, and a box of milk. I paid and turned walking to the closest table. As soon as I sat down, the kid in the corner stood up and started walking towards the exit. I looked down and pulled out my phone, while taking a bite of my muffin. I pulled up my music and put my bag on the table digging through it to find my head hones. I heard the footsteps get closer, but just figured he was walking to the exit.

"Diamond?" I snapped my head up and the kid was standing across the table looking down at me a small smile on his face. "Has to be…the hair, the face…answers to Diamond." He chuckled at his own joke and motioned to the seat across from me. I nodded and put my bag on the seat next to me. "How's your first week going?" He lightly drummed on the table with one hand, while the other pushed his hood off his head. I took a chance to look at him and made a note of the slight bruise to his left eye, and the swelling around his nose. He was dark skinned, probably Hispanic. When he caught me looking at his face he laughed and drummed both hands on the table. "Hockey practice. No big problem." I only nodded and he cleared his throat. "So first week going that bad, you don't want to talk about it?" I slouched a bit and couldn't help but wonder why he was talking to me, or how he even knew who I was.

"Not to sound rude and standoffish but why do you care?" He chuckled and shook his head.

"Logan Mitchell is my best friend." I looked down hearing his name and stared at my muffin. "When I told him I had every class with you, he told me what happened last night and wanted me to try and figure out what was wrong with you." I looked up and didn't have time to think about what I was saying.

"What he's so high and mighty he has his friends do his dirty work for him?" He sighed and shrugged his shoulders.

"That's fair. I tried to convince him to talk to you himself, but…" He stopped and shook his head. "Look, Logan's my best friend. I mean we practically live at each other's houses. He's like my brother and I don't like to see people jerk him around. Now normally I would go to Kendall and tell him some douche bag hot shot from New York is pissing him off, but I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt because Logan actually likes you." I let my body relax a bit and he leaned forward. "I don't think you're a bad guy for what you said to him last night either. I actually agree with you." We locked eyes and he laughed. "Not that I'd ever tell Logan that…but just know he really liked talking to you. And I have seen you walk around here, by yourself, all tough and shit with a wall up, but I know how it feels to have no one talk to you. If you want to hang out sometimes or…sit next to me in class I don't mind. If Logan says you're a good guy, you must be." I was absolutely speechless. I didn't even know the guy's name, and here he was offering me a friendship I couldn't refuse.

"What's your name?" He smiled and sat back, relaxing.

"Carlos Garcia at your services." I smiled and nodded. We sat for a second, before I heard the door open and we both turned. My stomach did a somersault when I saw Logan walk in, looking up at Kendall, smiling, holding hands. Kendall laughed at something and leaned down kissing Logan's lips. I turned fast and saw Carlos stand up. "Logan Mitchell!" I cringed and opened my milk taking a swig. My mouth was dry and I don't know why, but I felt nervous. I didn't know what to expect. But I glanced up at Carlos and saw Logan walking right to him, smile as big as Texas. I looked around his small body and saw Kendall sit at another table with a few other guys, all wearing hockey jerseys. Kendall looked over quick and we caught eyes. He didn't seem upset, but he didn't seem happy either. He glanced to Logan and I looked up to see him giving a notebook to Carlos. "Thanks dude." Carlos happily slipped it in his bag and I finally looked at Logan, him looking back at me. He sighed and gently sat down, next to Carlos. "Don't worry Loges. I talked to him. He's my new best friend. Sorry." He nudged Logan and Logan continued to look at me, giving me a weird look. I sighed and sat forward.

"Sorry I blew up last night."

"Can I ask why you did?" I shrugged my shoulders and he nodded. "Well…your forgiven. Just…do me a favor." I only nodded and he leaned in closer. I could smell cologne, but it wasn't the same from last nights. Maybe it was Kendall's. I hated the thought. "The next time I start spewing a bunch of bullshit at you, about anything, tell me to keep my damn mouth shut and get on with my life." I swallowed hard and when I didn't answer he raised his eyebrows and I sighed.

"Deal."


	3. Chapter 3

**Entry 3**

_Carlos Garcia was my new best friend. I started hanging out with him, every day, and every day I would see Logan. We would talk, joke around, but it never went anywhere else. It was never just him and I which is what I wanted. We were always separated, for random reason. And always by the same person. Kendall Knight. I learned to grow hatred, a deep hatred for him…_

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ONE WEEK LATER

I parked right next to the small sports car, like I had been doing for the last week and smiled at the back of Logan's head. He was leaning against the hood of his car, one hand in one pocket, while the other held his book. He was reading the biography of Steve Jobs, and no one could take him away from it. I thought it was pretty damn cute, especially because he put on his glasses and literally block everything out of his mind. I chuckled to myself seeing him slightly shiver when he turned the page. I killed the engine and jumped out, zipping up my own jacket. It's the middle of December and all he chose to wear to school is his uniform. "Logan." He didn't even turn and I smiled walking up right beside him. I gently nudged him and he looked up and turned to me, He grinned wild and shut his book putting it under his arm. He left the glasses on and…I could have died right there. "What are you doing out in the cold?"

"Waiting for Kendall. They had to have morning practice because tonight's homecoming." I nodded watched the way he glanced around the parking lot. He had obviously been out here for a while and hadn't realized school was getting close to starting. "You're coming right?" I chuckled and pulled my back pack on, on both shoulders.

"Not really my scene."

"What is your scene?" I stared down at him and he laughed. He gently hit my stomach and raised an eyebrow. "You know they could use a big guy like you on the team."

"I don't like sports." He nodded and quickly looked me up and down, like he was reading me. Front to back, and in those few seconds, he knew everything about me. We both snapped out of our thoughts hearing the bell ring and he sighed. He quickly walked to his door and opened it, getting in, grabbed his backpack, and quickly got out shutting the door. He looked a little upset, but I walked right beside him, grateful for the time we got to spend alone. "I didn't take you for much as a sports guy. Especially Hockey. That shit gets brutal." He chuckled and shook his head.

"I go for Kendall. He loves it more than me I think." I had to hold back my anger and pulled the door open for him. He walked in and shivered rubbing his hands together. "Besides, it's kind of fun to watch the guys beat the living hell out of each other." I laughed and he turned to face me. "See you at lunch Diamond." I waved and he walked into his calculus class. I continued down the hall and stopped by my locker. I wasn't in any rush to get to class because it was my free period which meant I could go do anything, and all I really wanted to do was find Carlos so we could go smoke under the bleachers. It's only been a week that I've been here, and already I'm smoking cigarettes with Carlos.

"Hey Diamond." I turned quick seeing Kendall walking towards me. Of all people to yell my name, I wished it wasn't him. "Carlos got sent to the nurses. He busted up his lip." He got closer and I turned back to look in my locker, not caring at all. "But he told me you guys have free period and I was wondering if we could talk." I snapped to him quick and scrunched my eyebrows.

"Why?" He chuckled and I couldn't help myself but stare at him. He was so damn sexy it hurt to look at him sometimes. I turned back into my locker, grabbed my last book and slammed my locker.

"I get it…we haven't really been friendly towards each other, but why can't we start right now?" I rolled my eyes and walked towards the exit to go onto the football field. "Diamond. I know you like him." I stopped and sighed. He was right next to me and I watched him shrug his shoulders. "I'm not one to get crazy jealous but when I catch Logan staring and bringing you up I kind of get nervous."

"It's not my fault your boyfriend stares and talks about me."

"No it's not. But it will be if you try anything." He glared at me and I chuckled.

"I thought you didn't have jealousy problems?" He tightened the grip on his backpack and I laughed. "If you treated your boyfriend better, he wouldn't he looking anywhere else." I was shoved hard into the wall behind me and I pushed him back hard. We stood a few feet away and just glared at each other. I pushed off the wall and he took a step forward. "I don't want to fight Knight."

"Because you know you'll get your ass kicked." I sighed and narrowed my eyes at him.

"I will never understand what Logan see's in you." I turned quick and walked out of the building, slamming the door behind me hard.

The rest of the day was like usual with Carlos and I sitting next to each other in class, not paying attention. When lunch came around, Kendall and I avoided each other like the plague. And to pour salt in the wound he keep both arms around Logan the whole time. He would whisper, kiss, laugh in his ear and Logan seemed to really love the attention. After this morning, seeing him a little upset about Kendall not being there, to now…it was a completely different Logan. He was like a school girl or even putty in this douche bag's arms. I mean…Logan could not stop smiling. He let Kendall feed him bites fo his sandwich, drinks from his water. Them being so cute, and lovey to each other was making me sick, and I turned to the one guy who I knew wouldn't be doing something like that. But alas, I had to pick the straightest, horniest, perviest guy as my best friend. Carlos had convinced his girlfriend to come out for lunch, and right now she was sitting on his lap, legs wrapped around his waist. They were literally sucking the breaths out of each other, but neither seemed to care. His hands were running up and down her thighs and would occasionally go under her skirt, on her but and rub there. It seemed everywhere I turned, there were people touching, kissing, or being happy. I had never been more grateful for the bell to ring over head to make us go back to class.

During 6th period, Kendall and Carlos got to be excused early for the game, which left Logan and I to be by ourselves, and finish the book work we were assigned. I kept glancing over at him, to see him staring back at me. Each time he would catch me looking…he'd blush, chuckle and turn back to his book. I would hide my laugh, and try not to look again, but I couldn't help it.

When school finally got out, both Logan and I walked right over to the rink, not saying two words. There was an awkward silence, but I think, for both of us, it was different reasons. Mine was of course because I didn't want to shout in his face his boyfriend was a jackass. I had no idea what was going through his mind. When we sat down, after buying a hot chocolate for him, and a coffee for myself, we looked out on the ice, looking out at them practicing. "SO tell me something Diamond." I looked over at him and raised my eyebrows. "Why is a good looking guy like you, not dating someone?" I chuckled and glanced back out at the ice.

"Not looking for anyone Logan." I watched Kendall skate around, like a freaking pro and hated him for being good at everything he does.

"So…let me get this straight. You, one of the hottest guys at school, aren't looking for anyone?"

"Sounds right." I turned to him and he gave me a confused look. "Why do care?"

"It's not that I care…I just have…a friend who is slightly interested."

"No Logan."

"Give him a chance James!" He nudged me slightly and I shook my head sipping my coffee. "He's 6 foot, beautiful blue eyes, and the most gorgeous Spanish accent! He is perfect for you, because he is just as freaking sexy as you!" I sighed turning to him. He gave me a sexy pout and I chuckled shaking my head. "James please! He really thinks your cute!"

"Does he go here?"

"Yes, but he's in all the advanced classes, and has really strict parents, but…really wants to go out with you, and I said I'd help him out." I hated this whole situation, because it wouldn't be Logan I'd be set up with.

"Loges I appreciate it but…" I glanced to him and saw him giving me a sad look. I almost caved in. Almost. "Logan I like someone." I swear his eyes light up like a kid on Christmas morning.

"Oh my God who? You have to point him out and I will set you up with him!"

"He has a boyfriend Logan." His posture fell a little and he sighed looking out at the ice. The game was a couple minutes form starting, and the stands were filling up. "Besides…" I turned back to him and he gave me a small smile. "I don't think he'd be interested in me anyway." He scrunched his eyebrows and shook his head.

"How does someone as hot, and cute as you, be so modest?" I laughed and shrugged my shoulders. "At least tell me his name." He sipped his hot cocoa and looked out at the rink.

"No." He turned to me quick and I hid my laugh in my cup. What I wanted to say was it's you, and I want you to break up with Kendall and be with me. But the words never left my mouth, as the game started.

"I'll get it out of you James Diamond."

"Good look kid." Logan laughed and leaned into me, laying his head on my shoulder. I tried to act cool but the contact from him, even something as small as this…was really overwhelming. All I could do was in turn, lay my head on top of his. It was the best moment of my life.


	4. Chapter 4

**Entry 4**

_What's the worst thing anyone has done to you? Think hard now…did someone, hit you, make you bleed? Did they lie to your face, or hide something from you? I mean…those are all pretty bad, but have you ever had someone rip your heart out, only to step on it, and then tell you, you can never have a chance? Because I have…and it sucks._

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We won our homecoming game! Which means a huge party at the captain of the hockey teams house. I think, regardless of whether we won or not, there would be a party. But because we won, we were going to have an even bigger party! I couldn't really believe I was invited, especially after my friendly chat with Kendall today, especially because Kendall's the captain of the hockey team, so the party is at his house. Awesome.

I got invited right as everyone was getting ready to leave. I was walking to my truck with Carlos, his girlfriend, and Logan and Kendall, when Kendall and Logan stayed back. I talked with Carlos about the game, and looked back to see Kendall and Logan hugging, with Logan whispering in Kendall's ear. "Dude! Pay attention!" I turned to see Carlos pointing at the ground below me and before I knew it, my feet slipped from under me, and I fell har don my back. "Diamond! Black ice!" I groaned and quickly brought my hands to the back of my head. I squeezed my eyes shut and heard footsteps running to me. "Did you just start walking or what?" I casually flipped Carlos off and heard him chuckle over me. "You alright man?"

"I'm good." I opened my eyes slowly and saw Logan and Carlos over me. Carlos was laughing to himself while Logan was looking at me closely.

"You hit your head hard James." Logan's voice really soothed me and I just let my body relax on the ground.

"I'm fine Logan. Just a little dizzy." He sighed and glanced up.

"Kendall…" I groaned again, and put my hands on my forehead. "He's not going to be able to drive." It was quiet and I peeked over at Carlos who was looking between Kendall and Logan. I saw Logan mouth something to Kendall and closed my eyes.

"I should get home." I started pushing myself up, and when I was in a sitting position I felt two Paris of hands on my arms. I was picked up quick and I turned to see Carlos and then…Kendall. I quickly straightened myself out, and turned to face them. "I'll see you guys on…Monday-Monday." My head was seriously throbbing, and I started to sway a little bit.

"James you can't drive. Not now. Let me drive you home."

"Or you can crash at my place. There's going to be a party. My parents are out of town for my sisters volleyball tournament." I stared right at Kendall who sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't…care." His eyes darted to the ground and I saw Logan giving him a huge smile. I sighed and only could nod.

"Sure…uhm…thanks." Kendall glanced over at me and we quickly looked away from each other. I honestly didn't think going to a loud high school party, with obnoxious drunken idiots, but when I started walking, I almost fell and Logan caught me. He had me wrap an arm around his neck and walked me the rest of the way to my truck.

"So we'll just ride in my car?" I saw Kendall get next to Logan and they looked at each other.

"Yeah…we'll just get our cars tomorrow." Kendall nodded and opened up the back door to his white Jeep Cherokee. I was put in quickly and the door shut hard, I glanced out the window and saw Logan reach up, cup Kendall's face and gently kiss his lips. Very faintly I heard Logan say thank you, and saw Kendall glance in at me. He only shook his head and opened the passenger door for Logan. Logan quickly got in and the door slammed shut. It echoed through my head an di put it back closing my eyes. "How you doing James?"

"I'm fine Logan. Just dizzy." I heard another door open and looked up to see Kendall get in. He again slammed the door shut, and looked back at me in his rearview mirror. He turned on his car and pulled his seatbelt on. "Thanks Kendall." He stared at me some more, and I could tell he was trying his hardest not to be a dick to me, in front of Logan. I have a feeling Loan would seriously be mad and the whole situation was actually pretty funny to me.

"It's not a problem Diamond." Kendall quickly backed up and drove out of the parking lot.

"Do you ever call anyone by their first name?"

"Only you Logan." He gave him a big grin and Logan giggled leaning in, and kissing his cheek softly. He glanced back at me and shook his head.

"If your crush is here tonight…you better point him out." I laughed and Kendall looked back at me fast.

"I definitely will Logan." Logan smiled and sat back looking out forward and gently grabbed Kendall's free hand, holding it softly. If I wasn't dizzy, or in pain before seeing them together, made me so much worse.

It was a long drive, up a fairly big hill, before we stopped in front of a huge house. It was two stories and already there were kids running around all over outside, with the door wide open. Kendall parked in the driveway, and got out, already shouting and laughing at some of the guys on the hockey team. Logan remained seating and turned ot me. He gave a small smile and I pushed my door open, smiling back. When I got out, a cold, harsh wind hit me an di shivered. He also got out and motioned for me to follow. As I did, I saw some of the guys look at us and say hi to Logan, but basically ignored me. I was fine with that because the booming of the music blaring out of the house was already hating being here, and it got worse when we actually got in the house. His parents' house was gorgeous, and very expensive looking. It looked a lot like what my parents' house look like. I had to seriously wonder what Kendall's parents did for a living, in order to offer this stuff. "What do his parents do?" Logan glanced back and smiled, before i noticed him taking me straight to the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of Jack, two water bottles, and then opened the fridge grabbing, two beers.

"His dad is an architect and his mom is a Vet." I nodded and again followed him out. He led me through te house before we got on some stairs. I continued to follow him up glancing at the pictures along the wall. His family was small. Only one little sister, who was a spitting imagine of their mother. She looked around 13, or 14 and in a couple of pictures, she was laughing at something Kendall was doing, or even saying. Form the pictures, Kendall looked like a good, decent human being, but I knew he wasn't. "James are you bleeding?" I snapped my head forward and noticed we were at the top of the stairs. Logan was giving me a horrified look, before he set the drinks down. "Jesus you didn't say you were bleeding!" He grabbed my arm and spun me around. Suddenly I felt the cold on my head, and felt something run down the back of my neck. I shivered again and heard a sigh form Logan. "I need to clean this up. Come on." I was tugged and he held my arm, taking me down a long hallway. We stopped in front of a closed door, and he pushed it open. It was a bedroom, clearly Kendall's and he set me at the desk. I sat in the chair and watched him walk to a closed door in the room. He knocked and slowly pushed it open. I heard water running. "Kendall?" He walked in and quickly shut the door. I sighed and sat back putting my hands behind my head. I touched something wet and brought them to my face looking at the blood on my hands. There wasn't a lot, but I was bleeding. I sighed and wiped the blood on my black jeans. The music was still going loud and hard downstairs and I was starting to wish I had gone home. "Thanks…" I looked to the bathroom and saw Logan walking out, first aid in one hand, and a wet towel in the other.

"I'm not bleeding that bad." He chuckled and shook his head, putting the box and towel on the wood desk next to me. He spun me in the chair slowly and gently so he was looking at the back of my head.

"You have a piece of gravel in your head James." I laughed and watched him open the box and grab black plastic tweezers. "This might hurt." He sighed and as soon as the tweezers got out of my view I felt something tug at my hair, and my scalp. I hissed a little and he quickly moved the bloody tweezers, with the small piece of gravel on the desk. "I'm sorry!" He grabbed the towel and gently put It on the back of my head. I only laughed and shook my head.

"It's okay. It was momentary pain." He didn't say anything back so I softly smiled and let me clean me up. He moved around a bit, always keeping the towel on my head and after a few minutes he sighed and got beside me throwing the towel on the desk. I was surprised to see the amount of blood actually on the towel. I smiled up at him and he leaned against the desk. "Thanks Doc." He laughed and look down, crossing his legs at his ankles. I glanced down at his body loving everything about him, when of course, it was ruined. The door behind me opened I turned to see Kendall walking out. I swore I almost fainted. He only had on a pair of jeans, dark blue, and nothing else. His chest was still a little wet form his shower and I stared at it, without meaning too. He caught me staring and I quickly looked away, my cheeks blushing.

"WO he was bleeding…" Logan stood up and he sighed.

"Yeah he had some gravel in his head. Just a cut. No big deal. He doesn't need stiches." I looked up and slowly stood. They both turned to me and Kendall pulled on a random long sleeved black shirt he pulled out of his closet, on. We stared at each other only until Logan cleared his throat. Kendall turned away and pulled on some socks, and shoes.

"I have to run to the store, get something for my mom." Logan nodded and Kendall walked to him. He put one hand on his hip and kissed his cheek. "Don't let them get too crazy, please." Logan nodded and as he walked by, Kendall nodded slightly at me. I nodded back, and Kendall walked out, leaving the door wide open behind him. I sighed and turned to Logan. He smiled and put his hand sin his pockets, walking to Kendall's bed and sitting down.

"I can only imagine the headache you have right now and if you don't want to go down there…we can stay in here." I smiled and walked over to him, sitting right next to him.

"Sounds nice." He nodded. I glanced around the fairly messy room and tried not to grab his face and hold him down, until he understood how much I actually liked him, maybe even love… "He's here."

"What?" I glanced over and he gave me a confused look.

"The guy I like. He's here." He gave a small half smile and scooted closer. "I saw him, while we were walking up the stairs. He's…here."

"Please point him out! Or describe him, so I can set you up! Please James!" I sighed and cracked a smile.

"Okay…okay…I'll describe him." He turned, putting one leg on the bed and I bit his bottom lip. I had to swallow hard as I looked over his perfect face. "He has dark brown hair. Short hair. He's also short, height wise." He nodded slowly. "He has big perfect brown eyes, the cutest nose that gets bright red when he's cold. His skin his perfectly smooth, and soft. His lips are always turned up into a cute little smile and It makes me wonder if he's thinking about me, because of his smile." His smile slowly started to fade and I saw him swallow hard. "He's kind of a nerd…I mean a serious nerd. He reads for fun." I chuckled and he looked down. "He also has a heart the size of Texas, and tried to make everyone happy, even if it doesn't make him happy. He loves to have people ask him for help, but never asks anyone for help in return. He's stubborn, but cute as hell." He continued to look down and I reached up, cupping his face. "It's you Logan." He snapped his head up and gave me a weird look. My fingertips were barely grazing his skin, but it was more than enough contact. But it was gone. He stood up fast and backed away from me. I slowly stood and stared at him.

"What…what the hell is wrong with you?!" I froze in my steps and he threw his hand sup in the air and let them fall colliding with his body. "I am seeing Kendall. Kendall is my boyfriend! We are friends James!"

"I want more! And you keno just as well as I do, I could treat you a hell of a lot better than him!"

"You don't get more, and stop telling me how awful he is James! I love him and nothing you say or do, will change my mind about that!" I stepped forward and he stepped back. "If you can't be my friend, and my friend only, you should leave!" I tried to think of something clever to say, but my mind was blank. So I did the only thing I could think of. I stepped forward, grabbed his face and smashed our lips together.


	5. Chapter 5

**Entry 5**

_Friends come in all shapes and sizes. And the people you thought you'd never even admit to associating with can turn out to become one of your best friends. _

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Five seconds can really change a guys life. In those five seconds I had his lips on mine was like…Heaven. But that was all I got. He pushed me hard and I took a few steps back, eyes shut, mouth slightly open. "James Diamond! What is wrong with you!?" I opened my eyes and watched him back into the closet door. He was breathing hard and looking anywhere but at me.

"I'm sorry Logan…I…"

"Just leave James!" He glanced up at me and I nodded slightly and walked to the bedroom door. I stepped out and quickly made my way to the stairs. As I walked down I could smell what i assumed to be pot, or someone had a brought a skink in the house. But when I got on the first floor, I walked into a huge cloud of smoke, and it made me cough. I stepped through it and waved it away from my face, suddenly realizing I had no way to get home, or at least to my truck. I stopped by the front door and sighed, not sure what to do.

"Hey man! Here you go!" Someone threw an arm over my shoulder and put a joint in front of my face. I shoved him off me hard and swung the door open, stepping out into the really cold winter air. I shoved my hands in my pocket, and figured I'd start walking, and maybe call my uncle and tell him the kind of crap I've put myself through. I kicked an empty red solo cup and pulled my hood on fast. Everything, minus my wallet, and my phone were in my backpack, which was in my truck. I also left my jacket in there and was really regretting it now.

I honestly had no idea where I was going. I've never been up in this really expensive, rich part of town but I would rather get lost in the woods then be in that house. It's going to be hard to be around Logan now, knowing I have no chance in hell. Why in God's name did I have to see him, knock into him, and want him? Why couldn't it have been a single guy, who actually wants me as much as I want him? Of course if were going to break down my idiotic behaviors we should question why I broke up with Justin too, because that takes the prize of being the biggest idiot alive. Besides never being able to have a guy who I really like, I probably won't have any friends. Carlos will definitely hate me. Probably even try to hit me. And then there's Kendall. Once he found out, and I'm sure Logan will tell him I tried to suck his dick or something, I probably won't be able to walk after Kendall's done with me.

I only noticed I had been walking still when I saw two head lights coming up over the hill. I put my head down, and shoved my hands deeper in pockets, hoping they'd just keep driving by, and not even bother me. But as we got closer I could hear the car, slowing down, considerable. When I heard it stop completely about 20 feet in front of me, panic started too coarse through my body. I dared to glance up hoping it wasn't some huge dude, who had a thing for high school boys. "Diamond?" I froze and looked up completely. It was Kendall. "Where the hell are you going?" I sighed out and shook my head continuing my walk. "Dude…you'll catch your death out here. And you're going to get lost." I walked right past him and clenched my jaw closed tight. "Did something happen? Did Logan do something?" I froze and turned to face him. He sighed out and leaned against the front of his Jeep.

"Why would you assume he did something?" He crossed his arms over his chest and sighed.

"Has he been drinking?" Now my curiosity had peaked and I stepped closer to him.

"He hasn't had a sip." He probably was mirroring my confused look and as precaution I took a step back. "It was…actually my fault."

"What was?" I swallowed hard and he raised his eyebrows. "What Diamond?"

"I…I kissed him." I was quiet and took a few more steps back putting my hands up. "If you're going to be mad, only be mad at me. He pushed me off as soon as I did it. Don't be mad at Logan!" I was really expecting him to lunge forward and star beating the hell out of me, but he stayed by his car and looked at the ground. He was way to quiet and it kind of scared me. "Knight?" He looked up and I saw his jaw twitch.

"You kissed him?" I nodded and he pushed off his car. I took another step back and he turned to walk around the front of his car. "Let's talk." He got in his car and I heard the doors unlock. I swallowed hard and stayed in my spot. The passenger window rolled down and he leaned over. "Either you get in, or I run you over." I walked quickly to the passenger door and got in. I shut the door softly and even before I could put my seatbelt on, he turned his car completely around, doing a sharp and hard U-turn, and then speeding off in the direction he was just coming form. I clutched onto the door and tried putting my seatbelt on. He remained completely quiet, and barely even moved. It was absolutely terrifying.

We drove for almost 10 minutes in silence, and up another hill a few streets away from his house. When we were at the top, he stopped. It was just this little park, with a few parking spots, and no one else but us. He got out, and slammed the door behind him. I sighed out hard and watched him walk over to the swing set, taking a seat. I slowly unbuckled myself and got out. I shut the door, softly, and walked over ot him, putting both hands in my sweater pockets. I carefully set next to him on the swing and turned ot him. He was swinging slightly and looking out at the view of the city below us. I cleared my throat and he turned to me softly and just stared at me. "I am a little pissed you kissed him, but I'm not…like going to hit you or anything." I felt relieved but I was still worried.

"So you brought me up to this empty park, to murder me?" He chuckled and looked back out at the city. I smiled and looked out to. "Why did you ask if Logan had done something?" He stayed quiet for a minute before he sighed and I saw him swinging some more.

"I don't really know you James. I mean…I do. Guys who have class with you, say your nice, and have an amazing body…" I blushed and he laughed. "And modest as hell." I turned to him and his smile faded. "And I've heard you're a really good listener and give some pretty sound advice so…" He breathed out hard and shook his head. "The first time I met Logan, we were up at this park." He looked around and smiled, remembering. "He was being picked on by some rude kid. I mean we were only in the first grade and just because Logan wore glasses, he was a target. SO I helped him out, and after that we became inseparable." I smiled imagining Logan as a little kid. "We spent every day together, and for a while it was only us. No one wanted to be my friend because I was friends with the weird nerdy kid, and no one wanted to be his friend, because he was a nerd. Except Carlos. We met him in 2nd grade and after that…we were like the three musketeers." I chuckled and he turned to me. "Everything was fine until Carlos and I went over to Logan's house one night for a sleep over." He looked a little sad and I tried not to rush him, because I honestly didn't know what ot expect. "We were in his room, watching some scary movie, we were told not to when his dad came in, drunk as a fucking sailor." I looked away and had a feeling I knew where this was going. "He started yelling at Logan, just like screaming in his face, and this was when we were like…10 maybe? Anyway, his dad dragged him out of his room, and Carlos and I had no idea what to do, so we snuck out behind them. I,,,I really wish I hadn't." I turned to him and saw him looking at the ground underneath out feet. "His dad just…slapped the hell out of his face. Logan fell to the ground, and naturally that showed weakness to his dad so he kicked him hard in the stomach. That was when I couldn't take it anymore and stormed in, shoving his dad hard. He fell down and then Logan's mom came in." He turned to me and smiled small. "We never went over to Logan's house after that, and the next day, Logan told me and Carlos his dad's an alcoholic and almost every day Logan did something wrong, which resulted in a bad beating. He was practically covered, head to toe, in bruises and scratches from his dad. That night, we were there, and watched it happen, Logan's mom divorced her husband, and he went to rehab. Logan hasn't heard from him since." I looked away and felt awful for anything, I've said or done to Logan. And I felt awful for thinking Kendall was a bad guy. He obviously cared a lot about Logan, more than I could ever understand. "It wasn't until Freshman year that I noticed a change in Logan, which brings me to why I asked you tonight, if he had done anything or if he had been drinking." I snapped my head to him and he was staring right at me. "Just promise you won't tell Logan…"

"Kendall…maybe you shouldn't tell me." He shook his head and looked back out to the city.

"I probably shouldn't but…Logan really likes you. As a friend James. You have no idea how rare that is for him. He has some serious trust issues with new people." I looked away as well and he sighed. "And it seems he picked up on his dads habit." I closed my eyes and turned my head completely away. "Like I said it started in Freshman year when he came over to my house one night, after a hockey game. He was so wasted he doesn't even remember the night. Or remember trying to get in my pants." He chuckled and I shook my head. "It isn't as bad now. He still drinks, and sometimes I can't stop him because I'm not always there, but when eh does drink, he is a completely different person and on more than one occasion I've had to pick him up on some street corner." I opened my eyes and turned to Kendall. "Please don't let this change your mind about him. He has had a pretty fucked up life and has never properly dealt with it. His mom just buys him a bunch of stuff to keep him quiet, and what she calls happy." He shrugged his shoulders. "She doesn't care he drinks either. The only people that know is me, Carlos and her and only Carlos and I try to do something about it. She's a real mother of the year type." I turned away and sighed.

"Why are you telling me all this Kendall?"

"Because you are a good guy. And I know you care about him. Sometimes I can't be there for him…or whatever, and I know if Carlos isn't, you'd be there for him too. Logan trusts you. That is a huge deal fro him. Of course. After you kissed him tonight…" I glanced at him and he chuckled. "I don't know if' he'd trust you as much. But I can talk to him." He swung some more and glanced out at the view.

"So…you'd still trust me, after I kissed your boyfriend?" He chuckled and nodded.

"I know. I'm nuts right?" I laughed and started swinging next to him. "Let's just keep this talk between us, and I promise I'll stop being a dick to you." I nodded and glanced to him. He looked at me and laughed shaking his head. "Can you please do something about how good looking you are? I'm about to ask you to kiss me." I laughed hard and heard him laughing with me.


	6. Chapter 6

**Entry 6**

_Love isn't easy…most of the time we have to…work really hard at it. Sometimes the worst part is being in love with someone who doesn't love you back. Who in fact just straight up hates you._

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Monday morning came to fast. Since Friday night, all I've been doing is talking to Kendall. Whether we were texting, or going online to IM, we were always talking. It was either about Logan or each other, mostly about each other. He informed me that Logan told him I kissed him and Kendall wasn't mad, and Logan said he didn't want to be around me anymore. Kendall had to convince him for quite a while, but he finally did, and now in the parking lot at school, I could tell Logan still wasn't happy with me. Oh well. I was still going to sit back and watch him like everything he did was perfect and completely breathtaking.

I walked over to them, both smiling, listening to something Carlos was saying. When they noticed me, Logan stop smiling and quickly turned to Carlos. Kendall smiled bright at me and put up his hand. I laughed and reached out for what looked like my beanie I was wearing. He gave it to me and I chuckled. "Thanks Knight." He nodded and I heard Logan sigh before grabbing his backpack off the hood of Kendall's car and pushing past Kendall, heading for the school. Carlos looked between me and Kendall and smiled small shaking his head, grabbing his own bag.

"I'll go talk to him. He's such a drama queen sometimes." He playfully hit Kendall's arm and chased after Logan. I sighed and eyed Kendall.

"I thought you talked to him?" Kendall leaned back against his jeep and waved at a group of guys waking by.

"I did. Just like Carlos said, he's a drama queen." I couldn't help the chuckle and he laughed with me. We talked for a while until we heard the bell and we both walked up to the school. I wanted Logan to come up to me and say everything was fine, and that we could still be friends, but by the time I had walked out onto the field with Carlos, Logan was already in his class, not even bothering to think about me.

Lunch time came fast, the morning classes boring, and exhausting, and I was grateful for the half hour of free time I could get. I walked to my locker, in the pretty empty hall and exchanged some books, and grabbed the brown bag my aunt packed for me. As I started walking out I heard talking from the bathroom down the hall. I stopped and tried to figure out what they were saying. All I could hear and all I really needed to hear was glass breaking. I hurried quickly to the bathroom and when I stepped in I froze by the door. A few guys were standing in front of Logan, who was glaring up at them. The mirror Logan was in front of, was smashed around him and I even saw glass on Logan's shoulders. One of the guys turned to me and sighed. "Hey get out. This isn't any of your business." Logan turned to me and I could see how hard he was trying not to cry.

"Leave him alone." Logan looked down and away from me and I stepped in. The three guys around him all turned fully to me and I heard some of the grass break more under their feet. "Logan you alright?"

"I'm fine James. Just go." His voice cracked and the guy in the middle tried to look big in front of me, I could tell, but he didn't measure up. He was tiny compared to me. They all were, but compared to Logan they were huge.

"It seems this little faggot likes to fuck anyone he can, and I don't mean in bed." I tried to get Logan to look at me, but he continued to stare at the ground. When I turned back to the guy he shrugged his shoulders. "He was supposed to make sure us three passed our midterms because he helps out in our English teachers room, and we paid him to put the "A" on the top but he didn't…"

"I couldn't. Mr. Finley graded your papers." We all turned to Logan who seemed to be getting courage. I didn't know if it was because I was there, or if he just hated that these guys were being assholes. "Besides, it would have looked weird if your papers got A's. They were awful." The guy in the middle went to make a move to step forward but I grabbed his arm and pulled him back. I quickly moved around them and stood in front of Logan. I heard an irritated sigh from Behind me but ignored it.

"Isn't this typical Mitchell? If it isn't your boyfriend covering for your ass, it's this asshole."

"Why don't you go open a book or something?" I raised my eyebrows at them and they all glared at me. When the middle one looked around and finally picked up his bag, they all left. The bathroom door slammed hard behind them and I quickly turned to Logan. Before I could say anything I was pushed hard, again by him.

"I didn't need your help Diamond." I shook my head and went to brush the glass off his shoulder but he shrugged away and stepped in front of another mirror. He started brushing himself off, and I sighed. I bent down, and picked up his backpack. He wasn't looking at me but when we both heard the clinking of the bottles in his bag, he snapped to me quick. He moved to me and reached to grab his bag, but I jerked away. "Give me my bag." I shook my head and he tried again, but I stepped back. All I could really do was stare at him, mouth to the floor unable to comprehend how or why he would do this to himself. I kept hearing Kendall telling me about all this and felt awful. This kid was clearly messed up and I needed to help him, but I didn't think he would let me. While I was lost in my thoughts he managed to tear his bag out of my hand and even before I could turn, he was storming out of the bathroom. I wanted desperately to follow him out and grab him by the shoulders and hug him, to let him know I was there for him, but my legs didn't move and I only thought if I tried to chase after him, he'd get more upset. So I slowly walked out and instead of going out to the quad where I knew everyone would be, including Logan, I headed out to the parking lot to get some fresh air and clear my head.

**SO A COUPLE THINGS HERE…SORRY I HAVENT BEEN QUICK WITH THE UPDATES. CRAZY BUSY WITH LIFE. SECOND THE REVIEWS I'VE BEEN GETTIGN FOR THIS STORY HAVE BEEN OUTSTANDING AND I'VE NOTICED THAT SOME OF YOU ARE AFRAID THIS ISNT GOING TO BE JAGEN BUT I ASSURE YOU, IT'S WILL BE. IT MAY NTO HAPPEN THEY WAY YOU THINK BUT…HAVE FAITH! I KNOW AL OF YOU WILL LOVE THE WAY THIS STORY TURNS OUT…I HOPE ANYWAY.**

**LEAVE YOUR REVIEWS!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Entry 7**

_I never tried to make things right with Logan. Mostly because i knew he wouldn't even believe it. I wanted to be there for him, but every time I tried to get closer, he'd push me away further. Every time I tried to talk to him about his problems he'd tell me to fuck off and walk away. It didn't help that Kendall was sort of stuck in-between the two of us. But Kendall told me know matter how rude Logan got, he still wanted to be my friend. _

_As the days started to go by faster and the more used to Logan ignoring me I got, I was actually starting to enjoy myself. I was making more friends, more guys were asking me out, and I was even liking the attention. But nothing, no guy could even come close to Logan. None of them could compare, and even though I knew Kendall really did care about him and love him, and Logan probably needed Kendall more then I needed Logan, I wasn't going to get over Logan. I just couldn't. It was turning into a physical pain every time I just simply thought of him. _

_Damn my thoughts._

"James? There's Kendall's here to see you!" I yawned, rubbing my eyes as I sat up. I turned slowly towards my alarm clock and groaned. It's Saturday morning, at 7 am. I reached for my glasses and heard soft laughter. "I'm sending him up James Diamond! Get your butt up! I made breakfast!" I groaned and bushed the blankets off my body. I heard the stairs creak and fell back glancing out the window. It was snowing…still from last night, and it made me excited for Christmas.

"I hope your decent." My door pushed open slowly and I sat up smiling. Kendall walked in, pulling his beanie off. He shut the door softly behind him and sat down at my desk chair, pushing himself closer to my bed. When he stopped by my bed he sighed and tossed his wet beanie on the bottom of my bed.

"Isa there something I can do for you Knight?" He gave me a stupid cheeky grin and sat back shoving his hands in his pockets. "You do know its Saturday morning, and were on Winter break."

"So? There is a fresh blanket of snow out there that we could be boarding down."

"Kendall how many times do I have to tell you. I'm from New York city. I don't do that kind of stuff." He laughed, but it seemed fake because it ended quickly. "Is everything okay?" He looked down and shook his head. "You want to talk about it?" He only shrugged his shoulders and I sighed, pulling my knees up. I wrapped my arms around them. "Okay so…let me guess here. Logan?": He turned up to me and I chuckled. "Is he okay?"

"Yeah…I mean…I guess." I raised an eyebrow and he leaned forward sighing hard. "I noticed lately he's drifting…like he isn't even thinking about me anymore. I mean I know how crappy that sounds because it makes me seem clingy and pathetic but I can't help it. And the more I try to get him to open up to me, he shuts down completely. And to know that he likes to turn to the bottle for support and comfort, scares the fuck out of me."

"Kendall why do you think he's turning away from you?" He shrugged and spun away from me. "Kendall I think you know him better than I do, or even he does. Why don't you just try to talk to him about? Like really get him to force him to talk to you?"

"Because Logan is a stubborn asshole who gets mad at me for trying to get him to be safe and not drink himself to sleep." I was pretty shocked to hear him talk like that about Logan but I let it slide. "I mean….with all this bullshit that I've gone through with him you would think he would try to at least care. I've saved his ass over 20 times, so he wouldn't go to jail and get a record. I have made sure he's gotten safely in his own damn bed, and he didn't die overtime he went to some lame party. What have I done to make him act this way towards me? Nothing James. All I've ever down is love and care for him, and he doesn't care." I had never even imagined Kendall talking about Logan this way and it made me a little upset. He had no idea how much Logan needed him.

"Kendall he's a little messed up, don't you think? I mean…no offense but do you think he should really be worrying about his relationship with you right now? He needs some help, maybe even serious help." He stared at me and I shrugged. "Maybe he's feeling suffocated by your constant worrying, and I agree with your worrying but let's face it, Logan isn't one for accepting help." He was still silent but after a minute he sat up and looked confused.

"Wait…what do you mean?" I probably looked as equally confused.

"He…he's been getting money from guys and helping them cheat. You didn't know?" Should I have told him that? If Logan found out I told Kendall he would hate that much more. "I…I walked in on him in the bathroom with some guys. They were about two seconds away from beating the shit out of him, and I had them stop. I also found a few bottle sin his bag."

"When was this, and why didn't you tell me?" I shrugged and shook my head. I watched him closely, knowing he was pissed, but not knowing what he was going to do. When he stood up and grabbed his beanie off my bed. I stood when he started walking to the door and shivered a little bit. "Where are you going?"

"Talk to Logan." My door opened and he walked out, leaving it open. I was about to go chase after him but I realized I was only in boxers, and grabbed my black sweats and my grey sweater. I pulled them on and followed down the stairs fast. He was saying goodbye to my Aunt and my Uncle who were trying to get my cousins to eat. When he walked out the door I stepped out, only getting on the porch. "Kendall…go easy on him." He stopped and turned to me shaking his head, and throwing up his arms.

"I can't go easy on him now James." Je turned around and walked to his car. He got in slamming the door shut hard, and it made snow fall off his roof. When he put the key in the ignition he didn't take time to put on his seatbelt. He sped off and turned off my street not even breaking. I sighed and seriously contemplated calling Logan, but I figured that would add fuel to the fire. SO I got back inside, slipped on my slippers and say down to eat my breakfast.

I spent the day playing out in the snow with my cousins, trying, hoping I just didn't ruin my friendship with either of them, or their relationship. My little cousins were filled with energy because in two days it was going to be Christmas and the thought they were finally going to be able to meet Santa Clause and pet a reindeer. I was happy for them, and I loved being here with my family but I still missed my parents and it made me sad to know they were going to be alone. I had too many sad, and worried thoughts through my mind I didn't realize the burning in my throat, and the sudden runny nose I had. I had gotten sick and it wiped me flat on my back. I could barely move my body and I was completely miserable. So much for a good Christmas.

As if things in my life weren't bad enough, while I was lying in bed, watching TV, finishing my tomato soup my aunt made there were noises outside. Like someone was climbing up the tree outside. When I turned to look out my window I saw Logan out on the branch making his way slowly over to my window. I sat up for a second, before he opened my window and climbed himself in. He fell face first to the floor but quickly got up, shutting the window softly. "James honey…you alright?"

"I'm fine." I managed to scratch the words out, hoping they wouldn't come check on me. When it remained quiet, I turned back to Logan and watched him sake snow off himself. "What the hell are you doing Logan? I have a front door." He smiled and sat on my bed beside me.

"I don't think your aunt and uncle would let me in." As soon as he opened his mouth I could faintly smell alcohol. He chuckled and pushed his hood off his head. "Don't worry buddy, I'm not drunk. I had a beer with Carlos."

"Carlos let you drink and drive?" He smiled and glanced around my room.

"You sound like shit dude. You sick?" I nodded and felt a horrible cough coming up. I covered my mouth, squeezed my eyes shut letting the cough just come out. It was loud and very painful. When I reopened my eyes he was looking at me and I noticed even with the cold, he looked pale. Usually in the cold his cheeks and nose got red. Not now. I sat back a little and put my bowl on my nightstand.

"You alright?" He breathed in hard and yawned. E put his head down and played with his zipper on his coat. "Don't take this the wrong way, but for the past couple of weeks you've been giving me the cold shoulder, and now your climbing through my window. Can I ask why?" He chuckled and glanced at me.

"Kendall and I broke up." I sat up fast and he shook his head, gently pushing me back down. "Don't worry. Were fine…I guess. I just…it's hard, ya know? I thought we were really in love and I honestly thought I would spend the rest of our lives together…stupid high school romance bullshit." I swallowed a hard lump and knew, all of this was my fault. He kept staring down at his lap and I tried to find the words to say but all that came out was an idiotic mess.

"So why'd you come to me?" He looked up fast and I could see how hard he was trying to stop the tears, and all I wanted to do was take back my words. "I mean…like I said, you haven't been really been friendly to me." He stared at me hard and shook his head shrugging his shoulders.

"You're right. I'll leave James." He stood up and I mentally hit myself in the balls. I reached out and pulled him back down.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that." He looked at me again and shook his head.

"All he kept telling me James is that he was sick of the lies and the constant fear I was going to do something stupid, like kill myself. And all I could do was yell back and be defensive. So I told him I wasn't stupid and that I didn't need him to watch after me, so we got in a screaming match until finally he just said he was done, and said we were better off apart. But the thing is…I don't think it is better. It actually makes me feel worse…and it hurts. It hurts to think were not together." I saw the first tear fall, and he quickly went to wipe it away. I knew if I even went to go grab him, to hug him, and push me away like when I kissed him, but if I opened my mouth I'd say something stupid again. So I reached out slowly and put a hand on his shoulder. It was like watching a dream when he lunged forward and put himself in my arms. He laid his head on my chest and quietly sobbed out. I held around him, giving him a gentle squeeze. He clutched onto my black shirt and pulled his legs up to his chest, making him seem even more smaller and vulnerable.

_Even though I knew it was all my fault, because I told Kendall everything, I couldn't help but feel happy about having him in my arms. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Entry 8**

_Best Christmas Present? Him…_

"Duh Carlos…I don't think he would have let me leave last night…no I don't mind it…yes I know he has the hots for me, and I know Kendal talked to him before he came to me but, I don't know…sometimes it's just better to have a guy like James to fall asleep on." I slowly opened my eyes, and was surprised to see a body at the end of my bed. Even though my throat and head hurt really badly, I was still really happy. I knew it was Logan, from the voice but seeing his body wrapped in…my sweater? He had on my sweater? Was he trying to kill me? Sitting in my sweater talking to his best friend about me…heaven. "No…I had to pee like really bad this morning and I ran into his aunt. She was a little mad he didn't tell her I was coming but I covered for him. I said I needed a friend and snuck in. She made me tea." I smiled and was grateful for my aunt and uncle. "Well I guess it looked like I had been crying and she just wanted to make me feel better…yes I was crying all night Carlos, I was dumped." I swallowed hard, but regretted it. I felt a horrible cough coming up but didn't want Logan to know I was awake. But it came anyway. I coughed out hard and harshly and he turned to face me quick. I shook my head, and put up a hand, covering my mouth. I saw Logan's lips move but couldn't hear it. When I stopped he was putting his cell in the front pocket of the sweater smiling at me. "Your aunt put a few pills right there…" He pointed to my nightstand, and I saw my pills and a glass of cold water. I reached for that first and chugged half of it. "I don't know if it's your cold, or that's just how you are, but you are like a little heater when you sleep. I woke up sweating…" I cracked a smile and he turned his whole body, pulled his legs up to his chest and hugged them. "Now I kind of miss the warmth." My smile fell and I sat up sitting back against my headboard.

"So…my aunt saw you?" He nodded and yawned. "Am I in trouble?" He laughed and shook his head looking out the window.

"No…she said as long as you were being a friend she didn't care." I nodded and all I could see was sadness washed over his perfect face.

"Hey Loges…" He didn't turn to face me but I knew he was paying attention. "I'm sorry." His eyes closed and he put his forehead on his knees. I saw him grip his sweats to the point of giving him white knuckles. "I don't really know what else to say except…sorry. Sorry for the way I've been towards you." I saw his head shake and his shoulders raised then lower softly. "If there is anything I can do for you…ever, just please let me know. I'm here for you Logan…as your friend." He didn't have a chance to say anything because my bedroom door slowly opened. I turned to see my little cousin, Anna, peeking through.

"James?"

"Yeah sweetheart?" Logan raised his head, and wiped his eyes but remained looking away from her.

"Mommy and daddy said you can sing really well and I was just wondering…if maybe…you could teach me and Jimmy to sing the Frosty the Snowman song." I chuckled and nodded slightly.

"Why don't you give me a few minutes to wake up and I'll come down and teach you guys okay?" Her face lit up like it was already Christmas morning. She smiled big and flung out of the doorway. I heard her scream for her brother all the way down the stairs. I chuckled and turned back to see Logan staring at me, smiling small.

"You sing?" I could feel my cheeks burning but nodded anyway. "So big tough, broad shouldered James Diamond doesn't play any sports, likes to defend the weak, but likes to sing?" I raised an eyebrow, ready to get laughed at picked on, but he did neither of those things. He chuckled and looked back out the window. "That is actually really cute." I blushed harder and also looked out the window. It wasn't snowing anymore. But it looked like there was going to be another storm. Just like the day before my head was swarming with a million thoughts, every single one centered on Logan Mitchell. "SO can I sing with you guys?" I snapped back to reality hearing his voice and turned to him. "I'm not much of a singer but I like to sing Christmas Carlos, and I never really get to do those kinds of things."

"Does your mom know you're here?" He chuckled, kind of hard and loud and I frowned.

"James she's in L.A. with her new boyfriend." I shot up fast and felt my mouth drop to the floor. He chuckled, again pissing me off, and shook his head. "Calm down…I wanted her to go. She actually likes this guy, and I'm having Christmas with Kendall's family…oh…" His face fell into disappointment and my heart snapped in two.

"How about you…go downstairs and get some breakfast. My uncle is an excellent chef. I need to talk to my aunt." He forced a smile and nodded. He stood up, slightly stretching and walked out of my room, shoving his hands in his pockets. I jumped up quick and walked out turning straight to my aunt and uncle's room, where I knew she was, probably wrapping presents. Sure enough she was in the middle of the room, surrounded by paper, and toys, and a few things that looked like they were for my uncle and me. "Hey Aunt Lisa?" She looked up and smiled.

"You sound a little better. Did you take those pills? Their day quill." I shook my head and shut the door half way.

"Not yet, but I need to ask a favor."

"Let me guess it's about the boy who crawled into your bedroom window, sobbed on your chest for a few hours, woke up, scared the hell out of me, and then took the tea I made him?" I smiled and sat across form her. "Wrap this Batman thingy for Jimmy will ya, and tell me what you need." I took the box and grabbed snowman wrapping paper.

An hour later and about a thousand presents later we made it downstairs to find Logan, the kids and my uncle in the living room, playing monopoly. Anna was curled up on Logan's lap, letting him count all her money for her, while Jimmy was asking his dad about a property. All it took was for them to see me, to jump up grab both my arms, and drag me out to the piano.

"We want to Carol!" I laughed at Jimmy as I sat at the bench. I heard my aunt ask Logan if they could talk and couldn't help the smile.

"What are we singing first kiddos?"

"The nose one!" I turned to Jimmy and heard Anna sigh.

"Rudolph Jimmy. Rudolph the red nosed reindeer." I smiled and nodded. I cleared my throat, hoping I didn't sound like a frog being choked to death and set Jimmy on my lap and put my fingertips on the ivory keys. I could tell both were oozing with excitement and it made me happy. After the first couple times of just me singing so they could learn it, they chimed in with me and belted out, really loud. It was fun and the kids were really into it, Anna was actually surprisingly pretty good. My throat was very sore, but they wanted to continue to sing the song over and over, like on repeat and finally my throat gave out. I coughed hard, and after that, I couldn't talk anymore. My voice was officially gone. Luckily the other three walked in, Logan smiling and laughing with my aunt while my uncle sat on the bench next to me, eyeing me.

"You okay?" I shook my head and pointed to my throat. I opened my mouth, with no words coming out and he sighed. "Why don't I take over guys? Your cousin lost his voice." Jimmy turned back to me, completely horrified and I smiled.

"Where did it go? Do you need help finding it?" I laughed and set Jimmy on his dads lap. When I stood I turned to the other two, who were both staring at me. I smiled at Logan who gave me a weird look.

"James honey, why don't you go with Logan to get some bags for him before the storm comes in?" I chuckled, no sound coming out and Logan turned his head away, "scratched" his head while flipping me off without anyone seeing it. I nodded to my aunt and walked Logan out. "Jimmy and Anna! Clean up your game babies so the cats don't eat any pieces…" I smiled as we walked up the stairs. When we got in my room, he shut the door kind of hard as I walked to my closet.

"You've got some nerve Diamond." I tried to stop smiling but I couldn't help it. "You didn't have to do that." I turned to him, pulling my shirt off and tossing it into the basket. I nodded and saw his eyes glance down my naked torso. I turned back to my closet and grabbed a long sleeved shirt. "I appreciate it. And I'm…well I'm happy I won't be alone." I nodded again, slipping on the shirt on. "Which means…" He stopped and I turned to him. He had his back to me, and was shirtless. He was putting his own shirt back on, but I couldn't help but look at the scar on the back of his neck. It was slightly faded, but pretty long. "I need to go get some present for your family. Like toys for your cousins, and some nice things for your uncle and aunt. I'll need your help but when I get something for you, you can't look." I tried to talk, forgetting my voice was gone, and all that came out was a small gasp. He chuckled and shook his head. "This actually might be nice. James Diamond not being able to talk? Awesome Christmas gift." He gave me a toothy grin and walked to the door, stepping out.

**SO…HAY!**

**THIS STORY…GOOD GOLLY MISS MOLLY! IT HAS TURNED INTO SOMETHING I HAD NO IDEA IT OCUDL BE. I HONESTLY DIDN'T SEE THE BREAKUP HAPPENING BUT THEN IT DID AND ALL I CAN NOW SEE MORE ROMANCE AND FRIENDSHIP (BUT WITH WHO?) THEN THE DRAMA ASPECT SO…I HOPE YOU LIKE! EVERYOEN WHO IS MORE OF A JAGEN KIND OF PERSON…GET READY. SORRY ABOUT THE KOGEN THING. LIKE I SAID IT CHANGED QUITE A BIT.**

**REVIEW AND THANKS!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Entry 9**

_You know those lame commercials for York Peppermint patties, where the guy takes a bite and he like goes insane? Yeah I finally understand those. It isn't enough to have Logan next to me, like always. And it isn't enough to hear him talk, or smell the cologne he spritz on his neck. No I needed more, and I got more, and just like taking a bite of those stupid peppermint patties…I went insane. With love…lust…too early to tell…but Christmas Eve didn't seem to only make the kids excited, hoping they could get a glimpse of Santa, or a reindeer. Christmas Eve was the first time, in a long time, where I was actually surprised by Logan Mitchell._

"I hope Anna likes this…I've never shopped for a little girl before." I shook my head in disgust as we placed the "Santa" gifts under our big Douglas fir my Uncle chopped down a week and a half ago. We were the only ones up. We made sure the kids were really asleep before taking all the gifts down, so we didn't ruin their innocence of finding out Santa isn't real.

"Anna likes anything pink, or anything to do with ponies. Trist me. She'll love it."

"Okay what about Jimmy? Will he like his Optimums Prime Action Figure?" I glanced over at him and watched him set each present up, in a specific way, making sure they all looked like they were touched with magical Santa hands. Even though he wasn't smiling…I could tell how happy he was. For the past couple days, since he was invited to stay with us before his mom got back, I could swear I saw a genuine smile on his face. Under the circumstances of Kendall dumping him 5 days before Christmas, he was doing pretty well. "You have a staring problem Diamond." I was shoved lightly and looked up to see him, standing and stepping back. "It looks so cute!" He grinned, popping out those two tiny little dimples and I smiled back, also getting up. I stepped back, standing next to him and sighed softly. "I can't' wait to see their faces when they open all their presents." I laughed and nodded.

"My Aunt told me how grateful she was for you buying those gifts. She said you didn't have to." He chuckled up at my face, in a condescending way and turned, in his slippers walking into the kitchen. I followed, trying my absolute hardest to not stare at him, but it was too hard.

"Can we make some Cider?" When I walked in the kitchen he was already opening the pantry standing on his tip toes. "Lisa told me she bought some…"

"Top shelf." He reached up, seeing the orange box and grabbed it. As he was shutting the pantry door my phone vibrated in my front pocket and I jumped on the counter sitting and leaning against the wood door of the cupboard.

"Oh don't worry…I'll make it." I smiled at him, opening my phone and he glared at me, putting water in the tea kettle.

"Thanks buddy!" I looked down at my phone, hearing him mumble to himself smiling. But just as soon as the smile got there, it left. It was text, from Kendall. I opened it fast, my heart racing. I hadn't heard from him since he broke up with Logan and I didn't know if he know Logan was with me.

"_How's he doing?" _I swallowed hard, my throat still a little scratchy form my cold. I glanced up to see Logan's back to me, and tried to find the words to say. I looked back down at my phone just as it vibrated again. "_If you're wondering…Carlos told me he was with you. I know you're that type of guy to make sure someone isn't alone for Christmas so…Thanks. I just want to make sure he's alright." _ I sighed out and shook my head.

"_he isn't that upset anymore he doesn't really talk about it, but the night he came to me, he was destroyed." _I hoped that would send the message across and put my phone back in my pocket. I looked up again and smiled at the back of Logan's head. "Is my Cider done yet?" He flipped me off without turning around and I laughed. I glanced around my shoulder, to look out the window and gasped out. It was a freaking blizzard! "Loges look!" I jumped off the counter and ran to the sliding glass door I felt the vibration in my pocket, but what was more important was the small body next to me, practically bouncing on his toes. "We're going to have a White Christmas!" I nudged him and he quickly unlocked the door, sliding it open. "What the hell are you doing?" He pulled on his hood, and smiled, stepping out.

"Being a kid!" He ran out into the white and literally…I couldn't see him. I groaned and pulled on my own hood, hoping I didn't catch another cold. I stepped out, closing the glass door behind me, making sure it shut.

"You're nuts Mitchell!" In the distance I heard a little giggle and smiled.

"Prove it Diamond!" Something caught my attention on the right and I turned in time to see him trying to be sneaky about coming towards me. He let out a battle cry and lunged forward but I was too quick. I stepped forward and heard him groan as his body collided with the ground. I laughed and turned to see him covered in snow, his perfect face, red. "Jerk!" I laughed and got next to him, bending over, extending my hand. He glared up at me, and quickly, catching me off guard (like always) he pulled me right on the ground next to him. I was soaked instantly but it didn't matter because we were both cracking up. I grabbed a handful of snow and smashed it into his face. He continued to laugh, turned his body, had two handfuls of snow and jumped on my body. As soon as his butt sat on the bottom of my stomach, something stirred inside me. Not that it mattered. The snow was pushed into my face and I could only hear the giggles form above me. "You look like a snow man now!" I wiped the snow off my face, opened my eyes and saw him getting himself up. But that thing I felt in my stomach, forced me to reach out, grab his wrists and pull him down. His laughter stopped. I'm pretty sure his breathing stopped. I pulled further, him not arguing, until his face was inches form mine. We were both shivering form the cold, and we were both soaking down to our bones, but I didn't care. And I hoped neither did Logan. "James…"

"You're a flirt." His eyes flashed something…weird. Panic? Fear?

"You're full of yourself." I grinned, hoping he would smile back, give me any kind of sign he was feeling the same as I was. A few seconds passed, which felt like an eternity to me before he smiled back. "Since I've been with you…since that fateful day, you bashed your huge body into mine all I've ever wanted to do was let you push me up against a wall and kiss me." I didn't need to hear any more. I flipped us over easy, pinning his arms above his head and slowly lowered myself over him. Just as our lips were inches apart, both our eyes closed, I heard a door in the distance and then talking.

"Uhmm…Boys?" I looked up quick to see my uncle, in his big puffy winter coat, and boots, awkwardly walking towards us. I jumped up fast, Logan scurrying away from me and felt my cheeks grow hot. "You left the water on…" I mentally kicked both Logan and myself, and my uncle only stared at me. He knew I was gay. He was fine with it. He even told me of one of his coworker's sons who was also gay if I was interested. But I don't think he was expecting this. This must be terribly awkward for him and I felt a little bad.

"Sorry…" I could see the smile on his face before he shrugged his shoulder.

"Get inside, get warm and stay quiet. Don't drag your wet clothes through the house. Your aunt will kill you guys." He turned on his heels and walked back into the house. When the door shut, softly, I turned quick to Logan who was staring at me, a huge smile on his face. He bit his bottom lip, and scratched at the back of his neck.

"I guess we should have our cider now…" I laughed and sighed knowing this could have been worse, and a hell of a lot more embarrassing.

When we made our cups of cider, wrapped our wet bodies in two big towels my uncle had left for us, we walked up to my bedroom, shutting the door behind us. Logan went straight to my desk, setting down his cup. He sighed out, and rubbed the towel over his semi wet hair. I gently placed my mug of steaming cider on my dresser and let the towel drop to the floor as I slowly started walking towards his body, back turned to me. He dropped his own towel, and peeled his sweater off his body, dropping it right on his towel. His white v neck shirt clung to his back, showing off every muscle. I swallowed hard as I reached out and ran my fingertips over the soaked shirt over his ribs. He froze but only for a second. He turned fast and glanced up at me. With my other hand, I reached, and cupped his face running a few fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. I felt both his hands grip my sweater, and pull me towards him. I pushed into him hard and we ran into the wall by the bathroom. I was quick to put my hand behind his head so it didn't hurt him, and leaned down at the same time. This time, I didn't go slowly. I pressed my lips into his soft sweet one's fast, and received an equally eager kiss. It set me on fire. It felt like I was standing on top of a mountain, ruler of the land below me. I was the luckiest guy in the world, and even though we were going fast, the kisses heating up with every tug of his hair, or bite to my bottom lip, I wanted this to last, and wanted to go slow, for whatever ridiculous reason. When I managed to pull away from his lips, I opened my eyes and smiled down at his perfect face. His own eyes were closed, mouth parted open a sliver, and of course his nose and cheeks rosy red. I moved both hands to his neck and held him there gently. When he opened his eyes, a smile, a huge smile appeared on his face and I chuckled. "What's that goofy smile for?" He turned his head slightly and shrugged.

"I didn't think someone other than Kendall…could make me feel like this." Hearing Kendall's named made me snap back to reality and I felt panicked. "I must be…insane to want another relationship after that disaster I just went through but…" He glance dup at me and shook his head. "Am I insane?" I swallowed hard and slowly shook my head. He laughed but it was short lived. "You look worried?" I slowly took my hands off his neck and looked down between our bodies. "If you think this will make things awkward…or ruin your friendship with Kendall…"

"If I lost Kendall because of this, I wouldn't care." I glanced up and he was giving me a weird look. I sighed and put my hands on either side of his head, on the wall. He relaxed a little and I shrugged. "He really cares about you. Like…he really loves you."

"Funny…why'd he break up with me?" He glared up at me and shook his head. "I don't care what he told you. I don't care if he told you I was his soul mate. He ripped my heart out, claimed it as his, and then tossed it out like it was nothing. I want nothing to do with him anymore." He paused, breathing a little hard and crossed his arms over his chest, like a child. "And don't you dare do the same thing James Diamond." He tried to look menacing, but it was too cute.

"Okay…okay. Calm down, killer." His mouth flew open, clearly offended, but I didn't care. I moved in, and kissed his softly. He tried to fight me, but not for long. He gave in, wrapping his arms around my neck, pulling himself up to me. I quickly held around his waist and lifted him off the ground. I turned us, walked to my bed and gently laid him down, laying over him.


	10. Chapter 10

**Entry 10**

_**Awkward? Didn't even come close to describing that day. And I actually thought I was going to die. I could see him standing over my body with a gun ready to end my life. I became entirely grateful for Carlos that day.**_

"James…wake up…it's Christmas…come on! The kids want to open presents." My eyes fluttered opened and I smiled instantly. Logan was sitting on my waist. His hands were pushed up under my shirt. I could feel his soft fingertips making small slow circles on my chest. He was wearing a stupid "elf" hat and one of the most beautiful grins ever. "Your aunt made coffee…get up. I want my presents and everyone is waiting for you." I sat up fast, making him dig his fingertips into my skin. I wrapped both arms around his back making him come closer to me. He chuckled and slowly dragged his hands down my chest to my abs, and finally pulled them out form my shirt. "You are such a freaking heater." I found his lips with mine and closed my eyes. His hand went up, and ran through my messy bed hair. "I could literally…" He moved his lips to my cheek and to my ear and in-between breaths, spoke. "Lay in your arms, all day. Every day for the rest of my life." He kissed under my ear and sighed pulling closer to me and wrapping his arms tight around my neck/head. I pushed my own hands up under his sweater, slowly rubbed up and down.

"Merry Christmas Logan." I kissed along his neck, that I could reach and he chuckled.

"Merry Christmas James." He pulled always slightly and we locked eyes. "We should get down there before you cousins walk in on this." I could only nod and he slowly untangled our limbs. I wanted to desperately tell him I loved him at that moment. And I wanted to take him in my arms, and never let him leave. But that seemed to forward. It is only day one of our relationship.

As we walked down, him in a pair or my sweats that were a little too big (driving me fucking crazy) I could already smell bacon and eggs being cooked. I could also already hear the kids going on about who got to open first and what one's they were going to open. When we came into view, Anna jumped up fast ran towards us, grabbed both our hands and dragged us to the tree. We sat down, him getting rather close to me and waited for my aunt and uncle to come out of the kitchen. The kids continued to pace around the tree examining every present hoping time would go by faster. All I wanted was to go back up to bed, with Logan, and not get up again. But before I could even think about getting up to get coffee I felt a vibration in my front pocket of my sweater. I pulled it out, opened it quick and smiled big.

"_I've never noticed how cute you are when you have just woken up. Sexy hair. –Logan." _I glanced over and saw him folding his legs so Anna could sit on his lap. He had his phone in one hand and had a smile on his own face. I chuckle to myself and closed my phone putting it back in my pocket. As I did I felt another vibration and sighed hoping it wasn't Logan again. It was worse.

"_Please tell me you and Logan haven't hooked up? –Carlos." _ I felt a slight panic and turned to Logan. He was eyeing me with one eyebrow raised. I forced a smile and quickly shoved my phone in my pocket. Maybe if I ignored it, he wouldn't text me anymore.

The morning went by rather fast, with wrapping paper, boxes and bows flying everywhere. I got a lot of clothes form my aunt and uncle and even a 200$ gift card from my mom and dad. I made out pretty nice with other random things form random family members, but he one thing that got me was the gift form Logan. It was wrapped up tight, in shiny red paper, with a green bow. It was pretty heavy and thick. I saw him, sitting in front of me, arms resting on his knees. He had a small cute grin on his mouth and I looked around to see my aunt and uncle on the couch holding each other, laughing and giggling in each other's ears. Jimmy and Anna were busy playing with all their new toys so I started opening it up. I noticed he was still watching me and it made me kind of nervous but I continued to tear away the paper. When it was finally gone, I felt my heart explode. It was a leather journal. It was brand stinking new and it was the most beautiful gift ever. I glanced up at him and ran my fingers over the bind. "Logan…this is…beautiful." He chuckled and pushed himself up, and over to me. He sat right next to me, both of us facing away from my family. He gently took one of my hands in both his and rubbed over my knuckles.

"Since the first night you let me cry myself to sleep on your chest, I feel really hard for you James Diamond." His voice was soft and quiet, so no one heard us. "I also woke up early that following morning and kind of snooped around your room." I raised an eyebrow and gave a small half smile and he chuckled. "I found that old journal you've been using. It was torn up kid." I laughed and looked back down at the journal. The edges of the paper were gold and so soft to the touch. "SO I figured if you used that thing so much to write music…don't be made at me for reading the first couple pages either. It's Christmas." Again I laughed and he laid his head, gently on my shoulder. "DO you like it?"

"I love it Logan. It's beautiful." I laid my head on top of his and just stared at it. I really wanted to start writing in it, but just sitting there with Logan, was plenty good enough.

"James? Phone call…" I turned to see my aunt walking towards us, home phone in hand. I reluctantly took it, expecting it to my mom or dad.

"Hello?" Logan continued to rest his head on my shoulder and it made me glow.

"So ignore me…whatever but you have some serious explain Diamond. You've got Logan head over heels." I laughed at how irritated Carlos sounded and glanced down at Logan. His eyes were closed, and he was still rubbing his thumb over my knuckles.

"You don't say."

"Don't me a douche…are you guys…ya know?" I laughed again and looked out the front window. It was still snowing. We probably had two feet out there. "Are you!? The silence is reassuring…"

"Why do you care Garcia?" He sighed and I heard a door close on his end.

"Well because my two best friends just broke up and the one that I've been talking to is completely heart broken and fucked up in the head." He said it kind of quiet but it still rang through my ears. "Kendall thought breaking up with Logan would somehow…fix Logan. Don't ask I don't understand it that much but…yeah. I mean…I saw him yesterday James. He has bags under his eyes, he said he can't eat because he just throws up. I don't know what to do." I felt my own stomach turn and looked down at the leather book in my lap.

"So what am I supposed to do?" I guess i sounded too quiet or even sad because Logan straighten out and looked at me.

"I'm not trying to tell you to do anything…except be careful with him James. He is my best friend. And so is Kendall. Kendal is so torn up about this…and that hurts me. But on the same token…Logan is…fucking crazy about you." My heart skipped a beat and I locked eyes with Logan. He had his eyebrows scrunched in the cutest way and I couldn't help but smile. He smiled back and nodded to the phone in my hand. I shook my head and sighed.

"Carlos…I feel the same way about him." He turned his head slightly and is smile big. "And Merry Christmas bro."

"Jesus Christ James…are you guys together?"

"Yes. Would you like to talk to him?"

"No…no…uhm…how about we hang out today. Go sledding or something? You can bring you cousins and I'll bring my little brother and sister." I smiled and nodded. "Merry Christmas Diamond." We both hung up and I looked Logan square in the eyes.

"What was that about?" I shook my head and he nodded slowly.

"So Aunt Lisa…how about Logan and I take the kids sledding with a few friends?" I turned to my aunt and her eyes lit up like our Christmas tree. "Sound good?" I got the answer form the kids…they started bouncing up and down begging and pleading with their mother for them to be able to go. She agreed fast, but said we needed to have breakfast first. They wined but agreed to help make it. Both Logan and I stood, grabbing our presents and made our way to the stairs. Half way up my aunt yelled breakfast would be ready soon and I shouted back alright, but I wasn't really concentrating on her. Logan went up before me, and I couldn't help but follow his scent, and watch his body move him upstairs. When we got in the room, I kicked the door shut behind me, kind of hard and quickly dropped everything on my computer desk. Logan was putting some things in his bag, so he was kneeling down, but I just didn't really care. I got right in front of him, pushed his bag away, grabbed his face and kissed him hard. He didn't object.

We eventually moved to the bed, after shutting my door, and locking it. I put him under me, letting him wrap his legs around me, while he disparately tried to take control. I wouldn't let him. I put my hands outside his head and pushed down into him hard. A soft moan escaped his lips and it drove me crazy. His hands found the bottom of my sweater and started pushing it up. He got it half way, when he turned his head, breathed out hard and scratched at my back. I continued to kiss him, onto his neck where i left little bites. "James?" I hummed back a response and he moved his hands up to my hair and pet through them softly "How far have you gone?" I froze against his skin and he chuckled softly. "If you don't want to tell me…"

"How far have you gone?" I pushed up and looked down at him. He smirked an di smirked back. "I'm a virgin." He nodded and bit his bottom lip. "Spill Mitchell." He chuckled and turned his head closing his eyes. I bent down and gently kissed along his jaw line.

"I'm a virgin too." I nodded and rested my forehead on his head. "Can I ask another question?"

"Should I just write you a book?" He laughed and I sighed. "Ask away."

"Well…do you think…you could write me a song?" I again sighed and slowly raised myself. I kept my hands outside his head His legs wrapped around my waist and eh giggled raising my sweater some more. He then dragged his fingers over my abs and I smiled.

"I guess I can. I just…it take a while. It would happen like…overnight."

"I understand." We looked straight into each other's eyes and he sighed quietly. "And I can pay you back." I put myself back down and kissed his chin.

"Oh yeah…how?" He laughed and without any warning he squeezed around me tight and flipped us. He sat straight up and dug fingertips into my abs.

"By giving you kiss and hug every chance I can get." I raised an eyebrow and smiled.

"Sounds great." He giggled like a little school girl and bent down softly kissing me.

By the time we got to a hill Carlos and I decided to meet up at both of our bodies were marked up by the other. We couldn't stop smiling, or laughing and when we got out of my truck the kids running out quickly he grabbed my hand and squeezed. He leaned into me as we walked up to the top of the hill. We got up and I shivered slightly but then something changed. Drastically. We both stopped at the same time when we saw Carlos standing next to someone else. It was Kendall. I was dead.

**SO…I HAVE IT IN MY HEAD HOW THIS WILL END. AND I THINK IT MIGHT BE SOON…AND I THINK…IT WILL BE LIKE…SUPER SAD. SO…JUST A WARNING. **

**LOVE YOU GUYS!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Entry 11**

"Did you know he was coming?" Logan's voice was quiet, and really sad. I squeezed his hand, hard, but he pulled away fast. "Did you know he was coming?"

"No. Carlos didn't tell me Loges." I saw both Carlos's and Kendall's lips move at the same time, but blocked out, whatever they could be saying. "Do you want to leave?"

"No…I want to talk to him." He glared up at me and I moved towards him. He backed away and shook his head. "Alone." My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach as he turned quick and walked over to them. Carlos walked to him, saying something along lines of, don't be mad at me, but Logan pushed past him, and went right to Kendall. I watched my cousins run over to Carlos's siblings who all started cheering about going down the hill on the sled. They seemed fine. Logan and Kendall on the other hand, looked bad. Logan was right under Kendall's nose, talking fast. Kendall did look like he hadn't been eating or sleeping for the past couple days and even though I considered him a good friend…I didn't feel bad.

"James?" Carlos somehow moved right next to me and was slightly shivering. "How…I mean…what do we do?"

"You should have told me he was coming Carlos." Carlos bowed his head and I sighed leaning against the front of my truck. Logan and Kendall were still in each other's faces and their voices were raising, slowly. "Does eh know?" I turned down to Carlos who looked up, giving me a weird look. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. "About Logan and I?" He quickly nodded and we both looked back over at the other two. "Great…does he hate me?" He let out a soft sigh and we both watched Logan now being talked down to by Kendall. They were taking turns, shouting in the others face.

"I don't think so…I think…I think he's just pissed at himself. For letting Logan go…ya know?" I could only nod and watch as they both started talking at the same time. How they both managed to even listen to the other phased me. "God I wished they would just get alone." I chuckled and he elbowed me hard in the ribs.

"Carlos…they just broke up…this is how normal people act after a breakup." He only shook his head eyeing his best friends cautiously. "How long do you think they'll fight for?"

"Depends on how backs down first. Usually it's Kendall…and Logan walks away triumphant." I nodded and watched Logan…trembling? Was he crying? When Logan turned his head, just slightly I could see…I could see the tear marks. I clenched my fists and my jaw hoping to keep calm. "Hold on…I got to take some pictures for my mom." Carlos quickly walked to the edge and pulled out a small sleek silver camera. I heard the shrieks of the girls and the laughter from everyone else. I peered down to see all the kids on the ground, and smiled small. My happiness didn't last long.

"You're an asshole!" I snapped quick to the other two to see Logan walking back over to me, quickly. Carlos turned too, and I straightened up. "You never cared Kendall! And you never will. I'm sorry I ever bothered you with my miniscule problems dick!"

"Stop Logan! You know damn well that, that is not true! Stop acting like a fucking child!" Logan spun around quick and the two ran into each other. At the same time, Carlos and I moved forward. I grabbed a hold of Logan while Carlos pushed Kendall back and stood between them.

"Both of you relax and lower your voices." Logan shrugged me off. Even though I didn't want to I glanced up at Kendall. He was staring at me, jaw locked in place.

"SO that's it? We spend our whole fucking lives together and after 5 days apart, your jumping in bed with him?"

"I haven't done anything with him. And as shocking as it may seem I actually like being around him because he treats me nice. He makes me feel like a fucking God instead of a mental case." Kendall's mouth dropped open and I saw sadness wash over his face. "Why don't you just go back to your perfect life, with your hockey scholarship and leave me alone? Do both of us a fucking favor and forget me." Logan turned to the left, checked shoulders with me and walked off. I started to follow after him but was pulled back and Carlos ran after him. I stayed back as Carlos got in front of him grabbing his shoulders and talking softly to him. I honestly forgot Kendall was still there until I was shoved. Hard. I lost my balance and fell hard onto the snow.

"How the fuck could you do that to me?!" I rose up slowly and brushed the snow off my body. There was a shooting pain up and down my left arm but I ignored it.

"I didn't do anything Kendall. He came to." I remained calm and it seemed to calm him down as well. I stepped forward and he put his head down. He slipped his beanie off and sighed. "The Scholarship…is that why you broke up with him?" He looked up fast, anger back on his face.

"He told you I broke up with him?" I nodded slowly and he turned to Logan and Carlos, both still whispering low to each other. "He freaked out James. He started yelling at me. He said I had to choose between him and my scholarship…I mean…how the fuck do I do that?"

"Wait…he broke up with you?" He nodded and turned back to me. "Okay…wait a minute…when you came to talk to me that day and we talked about him…you got the scholarship then?" He nodded and I pieced it together. "Did you bring up our conversation?"

"I told him I wanted him to be happy and feel safe talking to me about anything." I nodded and felt a mix of emotions run through my body. I couldn't act on any of them. There was a screeching of tires. A loud horn honk. And when I turned to look over at Logan and Carlos, it was already too late. They were both hit hard by a truck. I heard a yell escape my throat. I'm pretty sure I yelled stop…or maybe it was no. It didn't really matter because I was too concerned with the two bodies now on the ground. The white snow was now stained red. A brilliant red. It was sickening. "Logan!" Kendall ran right past me. A million things started happening at once. Kendall fell to his knees next to Logan, who I could see even from my distance, the blood pouring out of his head. Kendall cradled it in his hands. The driver came out from behind the wheel and stared saying sorry over and over. He got down next to Carlos and pulled a phone out of his pocket. To make matters worse, the kids had made it back up. Carlos's brother and sister froze instantly. They couldn't have been older than 12 and they were looking at their brother on the ground surrounded in a pool of his blood.

However…the worst part…besides not being able to even move was that I could clearly see Carlos awake and moving. Logan…wasn't. If I could get my legs to move I could check if he was breathing but I was stuck. I didn't like seeing the blood and I didn't like hearing the screaming and shouting. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to see it.

_The flashing lights and the loud sirens hurt my head. The yelling and the fear racing over the guys face who hit them was really pissing me off. He was acting like his life was destroyed. Well genius you aren't on the stretcher, blood pouring out of your head. If it hadn't had been for Kendall next to me hounding the paramedics about Logan I would have gotten up and killed that guy. Lucky asshole…_

**SO….DONT HATE ME! BARE WITH ME…IT WILL GET BETTER. NOT BY A LOT, BUT IT WILL GET BETTER. REVIEW? **


	12. Chapter 12

**Entry 12**

"He's in a coma. He is stable, but…the x-ray of his brain isn't good. You may see him. Talking to him will help." I stared blankly at the two doctors as they walked away, neither of them really saying what I wanted to hear. A coma? He wasn't going to wake up?

"James?" I looked slowly down at the small scared little girl by my side. "Is…Logan okay?" I don't know how I managed but I smiled and nodded. She nodded back, and quickly went back to her seat with her brother. I called my aunt and uncle and told them what happened and they said they were on their way. But I was still stuck. What the hell was I supposed to do now? Logan would know what to do. He would tell me everything would be okay, and would tell me, why the x-ray wasn't good. And he would tell me that even though a coma is bad, there is always a silver lining of good. Right? There has to be. That's what you learn in church. People tell you, your parents, the priest, your friends…they all tell you life is good, and the things that happen for a reason. They teach us a lesson. But I didn't want to learn this one. And it wasn't fair that I was being forced to.

"James?" I again looked away, and saw Kendall walking to me slowly. He looked absolutely terrifying. His face was pale, sunken in, with some blood still on it. Logan's blood. "Have they said anything?" His back coat, even though was black, I could tell was drenched in thick dry blood. Underneath, his grey sweater was also covered in his blood and it was the only thing that was reminding me of Logan. How sick is that?

"He's…he's in a coma Kendall." His body slumped slightly and he bowed his head pinching the bridge of his nose. "They said his x-ray isn't good, and that if we talk to him, it can help." He only nodded his head and I swallowed hard. "He's going to be okay…he…he has to be okay." I heard a small sob but again, he nodded. "How's…how's Carlos?" He raised his head and continued to cry, shrugging his shoulders.

"Asking about Logan. He has a broken arm and hip. He's in pain, but…wants to see Logan." I nodded and he glanced around. "Can I see him?" I didn't say anything or do much, except started walking. I remember the doctors saying room 103. Room 103 was on the first floor. In ICU which meant, he was not in a good place at all. It wasn't hard to find the room either. And that made me sick. I stopped right in front of the door suddenly to afraid to go any further. Kendall was right behind me and for five minutes straight, we just stood in front of the closed door. Nurses, doctors, anyone walking by, did nothing and said nothing. Being in the state that we are, everyone probably figured it was best to leave us be. "Together…" I turned my head to see Kendall staring at me tears running down his face. Then I felt his fingers. They pushed between mine and squeezed hard. I had to look away, to cry out. He only squeezed tighter. "Together…for Logan." I heard the door creak open and slowly my arm was tugged. When I opened my eyes I watched him pull me in. The room was dimly lit. It was also very loud. There were machines beeping obnoxiously and lights would flash every now and then. My body was betraying me and I felt weak. I was supposed to stay strong because…Logan would want me to. But as we walked closer in, and I finally got to see him…I gave up. My knees hit the concrete below me hard and I sobbed out. Loud. My hand was easily let go as Kendall continued to walk to the bed. Suddenly without him holding my hand, I felt alone. Even though Logan was feet away from me, he still…wasn't. Because he wasn't laughing at my stupid jokes. And he wasn't laying on my chest telling me about his childhood. He wasn't running his hands through my hair, telling me how happy he is that he had me. I had nothing of Logan. Logan wasn't there anymore. All I had, and all I was going to have of him for a while was going to be the blood, the crying and the image of him on the snow, blood pooled around him. I wasn't going to be the same ever again. He changed me in the short time we had none each other, and now…I don't even have him.

"Logan…please wake up." I saw Kendall grab his hand and sob out. He put his head down and I could see his body slightly shaking. "Don't do this to me Logan. Okay…I'm sorry. I'm sorry I let you go. I'm sorry I gave up on us. I love you Logan…please don't do this to me." I put my own head down and put my head in my hands. This whole time…I was so concerned with my own feelings, but here was a guy who loved Logan more then he loved himself, crying, sobbing and slowly falling apart. I was selfish, and Kendall needed me. But a part of me, the irrational part, was saying it wasn't fair. Logan came to me and we were together. If I had to face this alone, so did he. "We need you Logan…me, Carlos, your mom…and James." I looked up quick to see Kendall now sitting right next to him. I now got a better glimpse of him. Logan's head, had a lot of stiches on it. There was a huge line going from the bottom left ear to the middle of his forehead. It was actually disgusting if I had to be honest. But on the same token, Logan was beautiful no matter what, and no amount of stiches and bruises and cuts would make me think otherwise. His whole face was just…so lifeless. It broke my heart. "I know I screwed up, and I know I can never have another chance with you, but James still has you and need to be here for him." I slowly pushed myself up getting Kendall's attention. He stood form the bed and again, my heart was broken. His face was twisted into a sad, little puppy dog look. He was destroyed and finally I understood what I needed to do. I walked forward and quickly pulled him in. He fell automatically. He pushed his head into my shoulder and screamed into my body. He clutched onto me and just completely lost it.

_It wasn't easy to get Kendall to calm down, but it happened. We never left Logan's side and when Kendall did finally calm down we sat on either side of him, taking one of his hands in our own. Hours started to pass, slowly, Logan never moving once. I never lost hope though, and neither did Kendall. At one point we even talked to each other. I confessed how hard I fell in love with him, and he told me he would rather have Logan with someone like me, then for him to be alone. At one point, also…we laughed. We laughed at how bad we were crying and then threatened each other with kicking the others ass if we told anyone. We still had our pride. But the absolute worst thing in those hours that we were sitting with him, he didn't get to enjoy it with us. He didn't get to see us getting along, given the circumstances. He didn't get to see that even thought he was in a hospital bed, he was making Kendall and I closer. _

_It's a pity…that not 5 days ago, I was pissed at Kendall for leaving Logan and making him cry. But now I see…Kendall and Logan breaking up was a blessing in disguise. Not just for myself, but for them. They didn't want each other. They needed each other and at the end of the day, that didn't work for them. The silver lining, ya know?_

**SORRY IT'S SHORT. HAD A STRUGGLE WRITIGN THIS. HOPE YOU LIKE IT! REVIEW AS ALWAYS!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Entry 13**

"What have you been writing?" I glanced up and smirked. I shook my head and Kendall chuckled leaning down into his chair. He brought his legs up and gently set his feet on the bed right by Logan's right arm. He had taken off his shoes and was only wearing white socks. I sat back in my own chair and closed the black leather book in my lap.

"When you were sleeping, Logan's mom dropped by." He nodded and turned his attention to Logan's face. "She said she has to go to Texas for work." He laughed and tugged at the frayed denim on his knee. There was a small hole showing white skin. He twirled it around his finger and looked back at me.

"Figures. Her son is in a coma but she still goes to work." I looked back down at the leather journal and sighed. "Seriously, what the hell have you been writing in there?" I chuckled and looked back up.

"Something I promised…Logan." We locked eyes. "He snooped around my room, and found my old journal. He read some…songs I've been writing and asked me to write him one." He slightly nodded and turned back to Logan. SO did I. "I feel like…this isn't fair. Like…no one deserves this ever, but…it's Logan, ya know?"

"I was thinking too…that how, weird it is to see Carlos awake, smiling and only slightly in pain and then to see Logan…it's not fair." I swallowed hard and reopened my book. There first page was completely written over. Full of the words that I wanted Logan so desperately to read. I wanted to actually sing these words for him, which was new for me. I hated having anyone read, or hear me sing my song. But for Logan, I would let him read anything I read. "Can I read it?" I snapped my head up fast and he smiled small. "Or you can sing it to me?" I laughed out loud and he frowned. "Has anyone told you how incredibly cute it is when you laugh?" I froze in my seat and he quickly sat up, looking down. "I mean. It's just…"

"Uhm you can just read it…no problem." I quickly reached the book over Logan's unmoving body. I set ti softly on his lap, and sat back, avoiding eye contact. I heard him move slightly and felt my throat swell up a bit. I had poured my heart out into that song and now Logan's' ex-boyfriend was reading it. Maybe I shouldn't let him read it. I glanced up and saw him holding the book like it was a glass heart. His eyes were slowly scanning over the page like he was reading into my soul. I clenched my fists and felt the sweat already forming. "It's…it's not done. But…and it's not very…"

"You wrote this?" We locked eyes and I nodded slightly. He looked back down at the book and started shaking his head. "You, are so freaking talented dude…this is…beautiful." I swallowed hard and shrugged my shoulders.

"I just wish I knew how to write music. I can only read it." I saw him turn slowly up at me and he cocked his head to the side. "I guess I also wish Logan was awake to hear it." I sat back and turned to look back up at Logan. It had been two days, and he seemed to look even worse. His face was so pale, and looked so lifeless. I didn't want to see him like this anymore. I couldn't stay strong for him anymore but the minute I had to leave I wanted to be right by his side again.

"You know…I can play guitar." I turned slowly to Kendall and smiled small. "I'm not trying to sound too full of myself but…I am actually pretty good at it." I chuckled and saw him flip the page. My heart picked up speed at the thought of Kendall writing with me. "I'm not trying to like be in your business and take over your stuff but…"

"I would love it Kendall." He turned to me, his mouth slightly opening. I laughed and stood up from my seat. I walked over to him and sat on the arm rest of his own seat. I gently turned the page back to the front and side. "I think for the most part, it's a slow song, but I didn't want it to be on piano. So if you want to maybe copy this down and maybe think of something and then we can…come back together and see what we have. I can clean up the lyrics too, and maybe add some more." Kendall looked up at me and smiled. He gently leaned into me, and rested his head against my rib cage. I didn't really know what to do but, I slowly wrapped an arm around his shoulders and sighed softly.

"Do you love him?" I squeezed my eyes shut. "Because…someone doesn't write something like this…and not be in love with that someone." His head left my body but he quickly wrapped around my waist with one arm. "I know how you feel…and I don't care. But…you should know Logan Mitchell is hard to convince that someone loves him. It took me all our lives practically." I opened my eyes and dared to glance down at him. He was staring at Logan, and again, he was crying, but not like before. He was just letting little silent tears roll down his face. "Be careful with him. He's…special and sweet, and the best guy in the world but, he's not very good with taking care of someone else's heart. He's kind of selfish and sometimes he acts tough just so he doesn't have to confront his feelings. And every year on your birthday he will make sure to bake you a cake and then smash your face into it. And you have to make sure he never tries to do anything with you while he's drunk because then he just throws it in your face saying you're a bad boyfriend…"

"Kendall…I'm sorry." He stood up fast and walked to the window. He wiped his eyes and breathed out hard. "I wish…I could make things better but I don't know how…" He shook his head and I stood up slowly.

"There is nothing you can do, except love him and take very good care of him." I glanced down at the Logan's still soft, and lifeless face and heard Kendall sniffle. "I want him to wake up." I walked slowly to the bed and grabbed Logan's hand, squeezing it. If there was a squeeze back I probably would have collapsed right there but there was no squeeze. It made me lose more hope. Kendall kept repeating he wanted him to wake up, and it was not helping at all. With my free hand I gently brushed hair off his face and let out a tiny gasp. It was the first time being able to touch Logan since Christmas morning, and it made me sick. He wasn't awake to tell me to stop and leave his hair alone. I wished I could hear his tiny little chuckle, as we watched Frasier. But what was the chance of that happening? Ever again…in a long time?


	14. Chapter 14

**HEADUPS! I DON'T OWN THIS SONG IN THIS CHAPTER. I DID NOT WRITE, I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS SONG, EXCEPT THAT I LOVE IT WITH ALL MY HEART! I FOUND THE SONG FITTING FOR THIS WHOLE SITUATION AND I WAS INSPIRED BY IT! THE SONG IS MOMENTS BY ONE DIRECTION AND AGAIN…I DO NTO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS SONG! **

**Entry 14**

_Shut the door  
Turn the light off  
I wanna be with you  
I wanna feel your love  
I wanna lay beside you  
I cannot hide this  
Even though I try_

_Heart beats harder  
Time escapes me  
Trembling hands  
Touch skin  
It makes this harder  
And the tears stream down my face_

_If we could only have this life  
For one more day  
If we could only turn back time_

_You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moment  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today_

_Close the door  
Throw the key  
Don't wanna be reminded  
Don't wanna be seen  
Don't wanna be without you  
My judgment's clouded  
Like tonight's sky_

_Hands are silent  
Voice is numb  
Try to scream out my lungs  
It makes this harder  
And the tears stream down my face_

_If we could only have this life  
For one more day  
If we could only turn back time_

You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moment  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today

Flashing lights in my mind  
Going back to the time  
Playing games in the street  
Kicking balls with my feet

There's a numb in my toes  
Standing close to the edge

There's a pile of my clothes  
At the end of your bed

As I feel myself fall  
Make a joke of it all

You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moment  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today

You know I'll be  
Your life  
Your voice  
Your reason to be  
My love  
My heart  
Is breathing for this  
Moment  
In time  
I'll find the words to say  
Before you leave me today 

__Kendall gently set the guitar down by his chair and gripped onto the neck, making his knuckles white. I quietly cleared my throat and watched him turn his head down. Three days, no change from Logan, Logan's mom still in Texas, and finally the song done. The one thing Logan has ever asked of me. And he wasn't awake to hear it. Both Kendall and I turned to the door, hearing it squeak open. I smiled small and stood up, watching the doctor walk in before closing the door. He had both hands in his pockets and sat in the seat next to me. I sat back down and the doctor sighed small. "How are you guys doing?" I turned to Kendall and he remained looking at the ground, and I shrugged my shoulders.

"As best as we can I guess." The doctor nodded and I sat back. "Anything new on Logan?" The doctor turned to me and scrunched his eyebrows.

"We ran another CT scan on him. We found something that we couldn't see before." My stomach did a million flips and he sat back as well. "When he was hit, the impact of the truck, bashed into his head. Very hard. It broke skin and he had to have stiches, but because we couldn't see right away, we didn't see the damage done on the inside. Until now." I raised a hand and set my forehead in it. I didn't like hearing any of this, and as soon as this guy started explaining what was actually wrong, it was going to get worse. "His brain was hit actually really hard, and it caused a traumatic brain injury. A TBI is caused by an external force, like being hit by a truck. It caused the brain to move inside the skull which then damaged his brain. We now realized this is why he is in a coma and unfortunately we have no clue when he will wake up." I stole a glance at Kendall who was silently staring at Logan letting a few tears fall. I then turned to Logan and felt my heart pick up speed.

"What…what can happen when he does wake up?" I closed my eyes turning away from all three of them, not wanting to hear or see the doctor answer Kendall's question.

"If…he wakes up, he can suffer memory loss, physical disabilities, difficultly understanding things, seizures. There is a high possibility he will have to depend on others for the very rest of his life." My heart broke for the 15th time in the past hour and I opened my eyes, only staring at Logan. "He will have to re learn how to walk, talk, read, write…he'll be starting over essentially."

"How often do people wake up from a coma and not have any of those problems?" I turned to see Kendall looking at the doctor hopeful. He was getting his hope sup too high.

"Well…I've never had a patient wake up with no problems. The smallest problem he could have is memory loss, but the likely hood of something like that happening in this case, is very slim."

"But it could happen?" I sat up and shook my head at Kendall unable to believe he could be this naive.

"Kendall…stop. We don't even know if he's going to wake up." Kendall glared at me and the doctor cleared his throat, and stood.

"Boys, I don't' want you to lose hope. He is very strong, and I have complete faith in his recovery. He is going to need both of you here, and both of you need to keep a level head. Do not give up on him, please." I looked up at the doctor and slowly stood. A loud beep went off in his pocket and he quickly pulled it out. He sighed and looked back to us. "I need to check on another patient. I'll be back boys. Remember keep hope alive." He gently squeezed my shoulder and walked out, shutting the door softly behind him. I sat back down and sighed out hard staring at Logan.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I ignored him but heard him starting to pace. "Logan is going to wake up, and he is going to be okay. He will remember everything, he will go to school, graduate and then go to Harvard like he dreamed."

"And what if he doesn't?" We both turned to each other and he looked pissed. Like beyond pissed. "Kendall you need to think hard about this. There is a huge possibility he won't wake up. And even if he does he'll live the rest of his life starting over."

"No James. It's not going to happen like that! I won't let it happen like that!"

"Grow up Kendall! This is real now oaky! And when he wake sup we need to be there for him, no matter what!" He stared down at me, his face slowly turning into sadness. I stood up and pointed to Logan. "If he wakes up and there is something wrong with him, you need to be strong for him."

"I can't lose him James…" His voice was barely a whisper and I lowered my arm. I slightly shook my head and sat back in my seat.

"You aren't going to. If we have to sit at this hospital next to this bed for the rest of our lives we will. And I will not leave you to go through this alone." He stared over at me and softly nodded. I reached out, grabbed Logan's hand and gently squeezed it. I put my head down and set it in my other hand. I sighed out and closed my eyes. I felt tired and probably could fall asleep once more, but Kendall seemed to on edge and I couldn't really leave him alone. I yawned though and started to let the sandman drift me to sleep when I felt a small squeeze. I sighed and smiled small. "Come on Kendall. Let's just get some sleep."

"What are you talking about?" I lifted my head and felt another squeeze. Except Kendall was across the bed, both hands in his front sweater pockets. "Dude you could use some sleep…you're going cra…"

"Kendall?" We both turned to the top of the bed fast to see two small, brown eyes poking through half closed eyelids. "Ken…where am I? Why…why does my head hurt?" Kendall rose up slowly and reached out for Logan's other hand. He took it and I saw Logan squeezed hard. "It's…too bright in here." His eyes closed again and he sighed out.

"Logan…are…are you…how do you feel?"

"Sore. Where am I?"

"In the hospital…do you not remember what happened?" I stood up as well, still holding his hand and looked to Kendall. "James…what do we do?" I opened my mouth and as I started to talk my hand was let go of.

"Who is that?" My heart dropped into the pit of my stomach as I looked down at Logan. He looked confused and a little afraid. "Kendall…what the hell is going on?" I fell back in my seat and saw Kendall lean down and hold the side of his face gently.

"Logan…that's James…he's your…boyfriend." Kendall sounded pained saying it but what was worse was the small smile on Logan's face and then the words that came out of his mouth.

"Funny joke Kenny…we've been together since we were 7." Kendall glanced to me fast and I tried not to, but I cried anyway. As the tears fell, Logan turned to me and the smile faded. "Wait…seriously?" He turned back to Kendall who nodded small. Logan continued to look at him until the door opened.

"How are you…" The doctor stopped half way seeing Logan awake and smiled huge. "Mr. Mitchell. You're awake!" The doctor walked right to him standing right in front of me, blocking our view of each other. Which was fine because…I couldn't stand to see him anymore.

_Surprised? Me too. I thought it was bad to see him unresponsive and sick looking. But to have him awake, see him smile, and hear his voice, and not know who the hell I was, was life destroying. How could any of us recover from this? Logan thought Kendall was still his boyfriend. He didn't even know my name, and fro some reason, I was starting to like Kendall a lot more then Logan. A strange turn of events…_

**AGAIN…I DON'T OWN ANYTHGIN IN THIS CHAPTER!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Entry 15**

_After the momentary shock of Logan waking up and not knowing who I was, it was hard to be in the same room as him. So I left and sat outside his room while the doctors asked him a bunch of questions. They also needed to run a few tests but wanted to wait until they found out what he actually remembered. Everything I had told Kendall about who we would be there for Logan sounds like a bunch of bullshit right about now. What would be the point of being around him if he didn't know me, or didn't know what kind of things we had done, or what we had told each other already in our lives? So for a change this page will be written by me, but from what Kendall told me happen. When I walked out of the room, I could already hear Logan hounding Kendall with questions and I just wanted to know what was going through his mind. _

"Logan do you know what year it is?"

"2012…can someone please tell me what I am doing in a hospital? Kendall?" I gently held his hand and watched the doctors work around him. He looked confused but sounded a little scared. I gently sat on the bed next to him and looked at the doctor. The doctor smiled big and shook his head.

"Logan what is the last thing you remember?"

"Uhm…driving to school?" The doctor nodded and Logan quickly turned back to me fast. I gave a small smile and he frowned. "What happened?"

"You were hit by a truck a couple days ago. You hit your head really hard Loges." He scrunched his eyebrows and I sat up putting his hand in my lap rubbing over his knuckles. "You were hit on Christmas morning. We were at the big hill over by my house, and the guy could stop. It was too icy." He laid his head back and sighed raising his eyebrows. "Carlos was hit too, and he's a couple rooms down. He broke his hip and arm."

"Was I in a coma?" Both the doctor and I nodded. "Okay…so why wasn't Carlos hurt as bad?" I turned to the doctor who took a seat next to Logan's bed, setting a clipboard on Logan's bed.

"Well the way it was described as the driver, your friend Mr. Garcia tried to get you out of the way and covered you with himself, which caused him to get a broken arm and hip. When Carlos got hit, the impact of him being hit, knocked him down first and while you were still being covered by Carlos, you got your head bashed into the grill of the guys truck." Logan stared at the doctor intently and finally sighed out, closing his eyes.

"That's…a lot to take in. I didn't…didn't even realize it was Christmas…what we're doing at that hill?"

"Sledding with Carlos's little brother and sister and James's cousins." He opened his eyes and turned to me. I glanced down at my hands and heard the doctor get up.

"Logan…I am going to go do some paperwork and when I get back we will run some test, do another CT scan and, then go from there. " Logan nodded and smiled small, watching the doctor leave. When I heard the door shut I looked over out the window and felt a squeeze to my hand.

"Okay…you want to explain to me why that strangely attractive man was here and why you said he was my boyfriend?" I chuckled and laced our hands together. "Kendall Donald Knight." I rolled my eyes and turned back to look at him. "Come on…that's got to be some kind of sick joke right? Why would you say he's my boyfriend if were dating?" I raised an eyebrow at him and he swallowed hard. "We broke up?" I nodded and he slowly pushed himself up in bed. He almost fell back but I caught around his back. "Why?" I gently held him up and he leaned into me.

"Because I'm an idiot…" He chuckled and I gently pinched his side. "I got accepted to UMS. I got a full ride to play hockey there, and about two weeks ago, when I told you, you broke up with me and went to James. Now I guess you guys are dating." He laughed pretty loud and I rested my head softly on his. "You've been staying with him while your mom was out of town. On Christmas morning we all decided to go sledding and Carlos didn't tell you I was going to be there. So we started screaming in each other's face, neither one of us really listening to the other. We backed away from each other and you walked off, Carlos following. As I stood with James both of us then getting in each other's faces, I heard the loud beep and then I saw your body on the ground." He slowly but forcefully wrapped around my body and pushed his face into my neck.

"So you're telling me, I don't remember Christmas, I was hit on Christmas, and to top it all off the guy I am in love with, I dumped, and am now dating that guy outside?" I nodded against him and he laughed quietly. "I hate to break it to you, but I don't know him and I'm not with him. I don't care if we don't go to the same school together, I am your boyfriend and you are my boyfriend. I love you Kendall." I closed my eyes and held him tighter. I really wanted to hear those words but I kept seeing James face in the back of my mind. He was destroyed when he found out Logan didn't know who he was and that killed me.

"From what I heard you actually real love him. And he really loves you. Like a lot."

"But I don't know him."

"You will remember in time Loges…trust me. And I know you…in time if you don't remember who he is, you will fall in love with him all over again." Logan pushed away gently and I smiled at him.

"Kendall I love you."

"And I love you too, but we both realized how we do love each other, but were not in love with each other anymore." He looked down and I continued to hold around him. "I will help you remember Logan because I know what it's like to not have you, or to have you not want me. It sucks and I don't want that for him."

"Why do you care so much? Most guys would take this time to tell me whatever you wanted because I don't remember anyway." I laughed and gently laid him back on his bed. He yawned slightly and rubbed his left eye. "This is why I love you Kendall." I forced a smile even though I was breaking on the inside.

"I think It would only be fair to let you make your own decisions then to have you live a lie with me." He nodded and turned his head, his eyes staying closed.

"You would think after being in a coma I wouldn't want to go back to sleep but…" He yawned again and then smiled. "I just want to sleep." I slowly ran a hand through his hair. "Promise you will be here when I wake back up?" I chuckled and nodded.

"Of course." He nodded and just like that he was back asleep. I breathed out hard, letting a hot, heavy shaky breath. I kept my hand on his head and gently laid down on him. I pressed my ear to his chest and was thankful for the sound of his heart beating underneath my ear.

_It was hard to hear Kendall tell me what happened with Logan but, it was comforting to know he was at least trying to help me out. That was reassuring, and it also helped when I was sitting outside waiting for Kendall to come out, I heard someone arguing in thick Spanish with someone else. When I turned to eavesdrop I saw Carlos walking towards me on crutches, with his mother right behind him, not looking very happy…_

"James…my doctor said Logan's awake…is he okay?" I nodded and smiled scooting over so he could sit next to me. It was a slow process as he did have a broken hip and arm but he actually sat down and sighed out hard. "Thank Jesus…no mom I'm fine!"

"Carlos Garcia." She yanked his crutches away from him and set them against the wall next to us. She then turned to me, bent down and held my face. She lightly kissed my forehead and smiled. "You look ill honey. I'll go get you some tea and something to eat." I could only nod as she then kissed Carlos's cheek before walking away.

"Okay…level with me. How is he? I heard his mom talking with mine a couple days ago. The doctors keep telling her, he may not have a memory or be able to walk or even talk." I leaned back putting my head on the wall and closed my eyes. "Jesus…how bad is it?"

"He…he can talk, he hasn't walked yet but he probably can. He…remembers Kendall but…doesn't remember me. At all." I heard a small gasp but kept my eyes closed, tight. "He has no idea…no idea who I even am."

"James…I…I'm sorry." I smiled small and shook my head. "I'm sure…he'll remember some time. I just know it." I opened my eyes and turned, keeping my head still on the wall. Carlos was staring at me and when he saw me turn to him, he smiled really big and gently patted my leg. "If I know Logan as well as I think I do…if he doesn't remember you, I just know he will fall in love with you, all over again. Because I know he loves you. He told me himself. Right before we were hit actually…" He faded out and looked away. From the side, I could see the cut he got from hitting the ground. He had a few stiches but because I know how tough Carlos is, I knew that was the least of his worries. "I was telling him, to stay calm and try to talk to Kendall with a level head but he told me through a happy quiet voice that he loved you and wanted to be with you and move on from Kendall. And then we got hit…"

"Carlos?" He turned to me quick and I lightly pushed into him. "If you want to go see him, I bet he'd love to see you. I mean…you saved his life." He blushed lightly and nodded slightly. I stood fast grabbing his crutches and handed them to him. He stood and carefully grabbed the crutches and sighed.

"I'll try to help jog his memory about you. Don't worry Jamestefer." I shook my head and watched him carefully open the door. As he stepped in I heard Kendall softly say, "He fell asleep. He's exhausted, but I know he'll want to see you."

"He better…"


	16. Chapter 16

**Entry 16**

_He loves me…he loves me not…he loves me…he has no idea how I am or how I feel. I thought it was awful going through this the first time. Now that I had all of our memories, and he didn't how was I supposed to act around him?_

"Welcome back Mitchell." Logan was glowing. Two weeks after waking up and he was back in school. Mostly because he wanted to be even though the doctor told him to take it easy and stay home. But Logan was stubborn. As an ox. "We missed our favorite tutor."

"I bet your grades could prove that huh?" Logan smiled back at the guys walking by who waved at him and walked into the school. Logan turned back to Kendall, Carlos, and myself. He swallowed hard and sighed out. "So…" Kendall laughed and walked into him, handing him his backpack.

"You ready for school genius?" We all started walking and again Logan sighed. I could just tell how nervous he was. Kendall had told me the one thing holding Logan back form coming to school was the scar on his head and face. I had never seen him more beautiful.

"I am, I just hope my head doesn't start hurting." Logan glanced up at me and I smiled big down at him. "I'm sorry but is anyone else looking at how hot this guy is?"

"Yeah…exactly what I was thinking." I was blushing but Carlos turned the attention to him. "You know you can call him James." Logan chuckled and looked up at me cautiously. I gave a small smile and he blushed looking over to Kendall. I sighed quietly, frustrated.

"Uhm…I need to use the bathroom. I'll see you guys at lunch." He shoved both hands in his pant pockets and walked quickly u the stairs to the school. I was clapped on the shoulder and slowly pushed to the same stairs.

"I'm sorry James…I wished this easier but…" I turned to Kendall and shook my head.

"It's bad enough he can't even look at me without staring for too long or telling me I'm too good looking for him, it's worse when all I can do is think about him and want him to be doing the same thing."

"Trust me. He is." I turned slowly to Carlos who stopped and sighed looking at the stairs. "mi viejo némesis." Kendall quickly got on the other side of Carlos and we took his crutches letting him wrap his arms around our neck sand let us help him up the stairs.

"How do you know he is?" Carlos chuckled and when we got to the top of the stairs he got his crutches and sighed.

"Because Logan has been staying with me, given that his mom is a neglectful whore, so we've been talking. He said when he first woke up, he saw Kendall and then you." He nodded to me and shrugged his shoulders. "I guess he thought you were like an angle or something and that he had dies and you were the welcoming committee." I nodded and we heard the bell overhead.

"I'll see you guys at lunch. Keep your head up buddy." Kendall gently patted my back and quickly walked into the school. I sighed hard and gripped onto both mine and Carlos's backpacks. I lead both Carlos and myself into the school and all the way down to Carlos's locker. I opened it up for him and switched out some books for him. When I finished we walked to my locker and I did the same thing. After we had gotten everything we walked over to the cafeteria. Carlos was starting to get sore and we were both hungry so we sat at the nearest table to the doors and I got us some food. When I got back to the table he was texting on his phone and barely noticed me sitting across from him, so I started eating. As I was half way through my second bite of my bagel the doors opened to the cafeteria and three guys all wearing varsity football jackets on. They nodded over to Carlos who waved back, but went right back to his phone.

"Who you talking too?" I talked through my chewing and he looked up chuckling.

"You have cream cheese on your face and Logan…" I quickly wiped my face and he sighed tossing his phone on the table. "He won't stop talking about you! God it was better when he was with Kendall, and was secretly crushing on you." I raised an eyebrow and he chuckled. "Yeah he was kind of getting obsessed with you for a while there. Annoying as hell." I sat back a little and let the thought sink in. While I was going crazy over Logan Mitchell…Logan Mitchell was going crazy over me?

"Wait…so he liked me?"

"Hey idiot…he still does. He's just afraid because he's not with Kendall and I guess your ridiculously good looking or something." I felt my cheeks burn and he shook his head. "You have cream cheese on your face again…" I sighed, frustrated and wiped my mouth with the back of my hand. Carlos giggled but it ended quick when his phone started vibrating across the table. He groaned and picked it up reading whatever it was and replied. I smiled small and picked at my bagel completely unaware of the guys walking towards us. When they sat down, two of them sat right next to Carlos, while the other took the seat on my left. Carlos and I both looked up and while he smiled, I felt a little uneasy about it.

"Hey Los! How you going kid?" Carlos shrugged his shoulders at the black haired kid on his right. "You look a little banged up. I can't imagine how the truck looks." We all laughed but the same kid turned to me and scrunched his brows together. "I heard through the grapevine that…you and Mitchell are together?" I shuffled my feet under the table and chuckled.

"Not really…I mean…it's complicated. " When he didn't respond I looked around the table and sighed. "We were just kind of dating before the accident, and when he woke up from the coma, he had no clue who I was." He nodded slowly and glanced between me and the guy next to me.

"So…does that mean…he's single?" My blood froze instantly in my veins and Carlos glanced over at him giving him a weird look. "I know, your situation is kind of fucked up, but since freshman year every guy has wanted to be with Logan but he's always been with Kendall…Now I kind of see this as my chance." I turned to Carlos who chuckled and drank some milk that I bought him. The guy turned to Carlos who slammed the milk on the table and shook his head.

"Figures…no wonder Kendall hates you."

"I am not going to start shit with you Carlos, I have nothing against you…Kendall on the other hand…"

"What makes you think Logan would go out with you?" They all turned to me and i clenched my fists hard to the point of stabbing into my own palm. The guy only smiled stood up and started walking to the door.

"I guess we'll just see what happens then." He walked out, slamming the door hard against the wall behind it with the two other guys behind him.

"Fucking asshole…I can proudly say I hate that guy now." Carlos started raising himself and I followed making sure he didn't fall. I threw away our trash and he led me out, towards the football field. "Ever since freshman year and the hockey team won state and the football team lost every game they played that dickhead has been competing with Kendall. He even tried to get Logan to sleep with him, but Kendall busted in and nearly killed him dead." I nodded following beside him slowly. "Kendall is going to be livid when he hears about this…" He trailed off, speaking to himself in Spanish and I let my own thoughts take over.


	17. Chapter 17

**Entry 17**

_Haven't met you yet. I've never been more hooked on a song simply because of how relevant it is to my current situation. _

_Now with hockey season over, Kendall and Carlos were freer. Of course Carlos was always free because of the broken arm and hip, but now it was official. And now every day after school the three of us would wait for Logan, of course doing a tutor session, and we would go to the park and screw around, while Logan tried to get us to do homework. Everything was going back to normal. Ish. I still had to deal with being in love with Logan, and I still had to deal with the fact that he didn't want me simply out of fear. Fear of not being with Kendall anymore, or maybe because he just didn't want to deal with another love. Whatever the reason it was driving me insane. And to add the cherry on top I had to deal with stupid Darren Smith fucking stalking Logan because he thinks it's open season. Not for long._

"I can't believe we can't go anywhere for Spring Break." Both Kendall and I turned to Carlos who was pouting staring up at the sky.

"We?" He turned to us and Kendall laughed poking his cheek. "You can't go anywhere because you're a crippled. Doesn't mean we have to stay behind with you." Carlos reached out to swat at his face but Kendall ducked back. "Unfortunately though, my plans were with you…so I'm screwed." Carlos grinned in triumph and turned back to look up at the sky. "What about you Diamond? Any Spring break plans?"

"I might go visit my parents…I don't know though. I don't want to go back to the city."

"Is your mom hot? Cause I'll go for you." I threatened to his hurt arm and he flinched, but laughed. "And Logan? Any idea of how you're going to sweep him off his feet yet?" Kendall turned a stupid grin on his face and I blushed looking down. We were sitting outside the gym on a table soaking up the warmer weather. It was finally spring which meant we didn't have to wait inside for Logan anymore. "Do I see a blush?"

"He probably has some romantic bullshit planned." I turned to Kendall and glared. He giggled and pulled his phone out of his jeans. "He should be getting out by now. Tell us before he ruins it." I laughed and stood up stretching.

"I don't have anything planned. I can't find a more perfect way to have him back then him remembering." They both stayed silent as I pulled my backpack on. "Besides if you guys actually think I'd tell you…your more delusional then I thought." Carlos busted out laughing and Kendall swung fast hitting his unhurt arm. I joined in by hitting Kendall's arm and we all started laughing and making jokes but it was short lived. We all snapped and went quite turning to the school doors. The door was hit hard on the wall and walking very fast towards us.

"What's wrong?" Kendall's voice was stern and I couldn't understand until Logan got closer to us. He looked seconds from bursting into tears. "Logan?"

"Nothing can we please just leave?" He walked right past all three of us and Carlos quickly sprang into action, following after on crutches. Kendall turned to me, concern washed over his face but both of the questions on our mind were answered fast. Coming out of the school was Darren. I didn't know about Kendall but I felt my blood boil.

"What did you say to him?" Kendall pushed past me and walked right up to him. He only laughed and Kendall stopped.

"Nothing I know he didn't want to hear." I saw Kendall's fist get clenched and I stepped up quick getting between them and turned to Darren.

"He obviously didn't want to hear it. What did you say?"

"First I asked him out. He turned me down." I couldn't help the grin on my face and he smiled with me. "So then I asked him why and he told me it was complicated and I said the only complicated thing was that he wasn't sucking my dick." I went frozen in my spot and he laughed. Louder. "So then he walked out, pissed and now were here."

"You're an asshole." Kendall tugged on my shirt and started pulling me back.

"One of us has to be." I turned completely and both Kendall and I walked fast to the parking lot. We stayed quite, both of us too pissed to discuss it. But we didn't need to really talk about it. Carlos did that for us. Except he was talking. He was screaming.

"Logan is the clumsiest guy ever! He freaking tripped on his shoe lace!" When we turned the corner Carlos was there, slightly out of breath.

"What are you talking about Garcia? Where is he?"

"By his car. He was telling em what happened when he tripped and smacked his head on the ground." My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and I felt the blood leave my face. "I obviously can do much to help him, so both of you snap out of this stupid trance phase and go help him!" He poked into my leg with one of his crutches and I pushed past him. Kendall was right on my trail and as I got closer to the all to familiar black sports car, my heart started racing a 100 miles a minute. When I saw his bag on the ground, next to his slowly moving body, I picked up speed and ran as fast as I could to get to him, Kendall not far behind.

"Logan?" I don't think I had been this scared since when he was hit by a truck and laid unconscious on the ground. When I got to him, I could hear him groaning. "Logan!"

"Stop yelling James! My head is throbbing!" I don't know why but hearing him say that made me stop dead in my tracks. I felt my bag hit the ground as I watched Kendall fall to his side.

"You okay buddy?"

"I'm mad at you." His voice was lower and calmer.

"Why?"

"How could you choose your scholarship over me?" Kendall literally fell back on his butt and leaned against his jeep tire. His mouth hung open low and Logan slowly pushed himself up. There was only a small cut on his head that had a small lien of blood trickling down it. "I don't hate you, and I don't want to stop loving you, but I can't be in love with you anymore. That's why I'm with James." I swallowed the vomit that was sure to be coming up as he turned to me and smiled small. "If you're not mad at me?" I walked slowly over to him and he chuckled. "What is wrong with you two? You act like you're seeing a ghost." I kneeled down on the other side of him and saw Kendall staring wide at him. "Seriously…what?" He glanced around and I felt my whole body relax.

"What's the last thing you remember?" He turned to me and gave em a weird look.

"I was just in a tutor session with Darren. He tried making a move and I walked out…but that doesn't explain why I'm on the ground." He looked around and Kendall pulled out his phone. He put it in front of Logan's face getting his attention. Logan only looked once before reaching up and touching his wound. "I fell didn't I?" Kendall laughed small and nodded. Logan turned to him and wiped the blood on the back of his hand. "I don't want you guys to freak out, but I remember everything. Which is rare for a coma patient to remember anything ever, but I guess I'm lucky. I remember before and after the accident." He turned to me and smiled small. "All of it." All I could do was reach out and put him in my arms. I hugged him tight and eh wrapped around me even tighter. I looked at Kendall over Logan's shoulder and he smiled at me. "Did I freak you guys out?"

"It's been weeks Logan. Three months to be exact." Logan buried his face in my neck as he chuckled. "Don't laugh mister." Kendall slowly pushed himself up, staring down at the back of Logan's head. "You gave everyone a fucking heart attack, not to mention all the shit James and I went through." I smiled small and ran a hand through his short brown hair. I tried not to think about the pain and only think about how he was back in my life. Like, really back in my life.

"Did I put you through shit James Diamond?" I laid my head on his and shook my head slightly. "Not that you'd ever tell me, right?" I laughed and nodded. "Sorry." I pushed him away put gently grabbed his face.

"You don't have to say sorry for something you had no control over." He put his hand son mine and I was set on fire. "How do you feel?" He laughed and looked down.

"My head kind of hurts." I heard Kendall snort and I shot him a dirty look. "Don't bother with him. He's going to be a jerk right now because he hates seeing us like this." I felt awkward all of sudden but Kendall laughed out loud.

"No I don't. You haven't changed Logan Mitchell. Good look Diamond." He walked around the back of his jeep and unlocked his car. "Oh and Logan." He reappeared just as I was going to help him off the ground and we both turned to him. "Ask him about the song." He winked at em and waved fast. He jumped in his car, and not five seconds later he was speeding off. I dared to glance down at him and smile when I did.

"Song? You wrote me the song?" I blushed and sighed going to my backpack. "Wow…I asked you for something…and you're going to actually let me have it?"

"I'll sing it for you if it will make you shut up." I pulled out the same familiar black leather journal he had bought me. It was now slightly frayed but still showed how much love had been put into it. I gave it to him, watching him open it slowly. "It's in the middle…here…" I tuned right to the page and sat back sighing softly. His fingertips gently grazed against the page and he started to read. I watched as his eyes scanned across, and with each word he seemed more and more moved. When he finished he looked up fast and let the first tear fall.

"I asked you to write a song." I cocked my head and raised an eyebrow. "And you wrote me…your whole heart." I smiled small and shook my head.

"I didn't write my heart Loges. I wrote you a song. A song from my boyfriend because he asked me too. And I love you." He looked back down, chuckling and again ran his fingers over the page. "So you going to college with me?"

"Well it's obvious I can't leave you now." I laughed and he glanced up at me. "I love you too." I leaned in, but he backed away. "Wait…what college?" I smiled and pulled him in by his face. I kissed him softly and pulled away but not by much. I rested his forehead on mine and sighed.

"Whatever college you want. I'll follow like a lost dog." He laughed and closed the journal setting it in his lap. He wrapped his arms around my neck and sighed sending his hot breath all over my own face.

"It doesn't matter. As long as were together." I bit my bottom lip and he leaned in, kissing me gently. "I love you James Diamond." I closed my eyes and kissed him back, but followed in his footsteps mumbling against his lips.

"I love you more Logan Mitchell."

_**The End….**_


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